Adjustments and fine tuning are required when working to establish lasting habits. Continuing to do the same things that don’t work while expecting different results truly is a waste of time and effort. Believe me, I’ve done the legwork. At the same time, even if certain routines or tools work well, chances are they won’t forever without some occasional tweaking, even if just to keep things interesting and prevent boredom. After all, we are resilient creatures capable of adaptation, but also of stagnancy. After a great deal of trial and error I’ve found that I am able to establish lasting habits by thinking small.

Eliminate the BUT

When it comes to creating habits that ultimately help me accomplish my goals, I go through a lot of trial and error until I discover what works for me. Some things work well, BUT only temporarily. Some work well, BUT are too dependent on other factors that rarely align. Some I think work well, BUT ultimately hurt my well-being. I wanted to find a habit that worked well with no BUT after it.

I am happy to say I have found the solution! The secret lay in establishing “small” daily goals based on the theory that a little is better than nothing, and can add up to a lot! 

Take exercise, for example. Many of us have made lofty goals like:

1. I am going to walk 5 miles every day
2. I will go to the gym every weekday morning at 5 am

The problem with these daily habits, as good as our intentions may be, is that they are too big and not nearly flexible enough to adapt to the curve-balls life inevitably throws at us. It’s not easy to walk five miles when it’s pouring rain and you have no gym membership. Not so easy to go to the gym at 5 am when you were up late with a sick child. Shoot, it’s not easy getting up at 5 to go to the gym even on the best of days.

So we fail. And then oftentimes we end up doing nothing for lengthy periods of time because we got caught up in the all-or-nothing mindset trap.

But I have cracked the code! And believe me when I say I have tried it all.

I have exercised nearly every single day for the past two months thanks to thinking small and making this my goal: EXERCISE AT LEAST 20 MINUTES EVERY DAY. 

It doesn’t matter when. It doesn’t matter how. All that matters is that my body is in motion for twenty minutes. This is REALISTIC. Even when I’m short on time, I can fit in at least 20 minutes. Even when I don’t want to, I know I can do it for at least 20 minutes. I found success in creating a daily goal with no room for a BUT. And the beautiful thing is that I often work out for longer than twenty minutes. But even when I don’t, at least I did something. And SOMETHING is always better than NOTHING.

Establish lasting habits by thinking small

So if you’re holding out for a perfect routine or think you can’t work out if you miss yoga class or the gym is closed, then I urge you to rethink how you’re setting your goal. Establish lasting habits by thinking small and see big change.

This applies to most everything!

Despite my success with regular exercise, I failed horribly at my March writing goal to draft three more chapters of my work-in-progress. When I sat down to write my April writing goal, I considered how I could apply the same philosophy and think smaller to establish a lasting writing habit. Twenty minutes felt far too long at the time. Keep in mind I didn’t write one.single.word. in March due to a block. I needed something not based on duration, but on a not-scary daily quota.

Finally, I settled on a daily goal of writing one paragraph. In doing so I eliminated room for a BUT when it came to making excuses not to write. There’s no reason why I can’t manage to write one paragraph even if it means tapping it on my phone on the train (which I have not yet needed to do.)

When I don’t want to write and it seems too difficult and scary, I take comfort in only having to write one paragraph. Guess what? Once I start, I often don’t stop at one paragraph! But knowing I can if I want to gets me started. And if you’re thinking, “why bother?” Well, at the very least I’ll finish April with 30 paragraphs. It sure beats March’s total of zero.

Apply it to anything

Exercise and writing not your thing? Establish lasting habits by thinking small in order to clean out your closets (or tackle virtually any project); drink more water; achieve a daily meditation practice… anything! Tell me what lasting habit you want to establish and I am sure we can find a way to start small in order to create it. Like a picky eater staring down a plate of vegetables, things aren’t so daunting when you know you only have to swallow one piece. By thinking small I’ve managed to eliminate dread and stop the brain from going into excuse-making overdrive.

And guess what? Once you establish these daily habits, over time they will become so incorporated into your daily regimen that you will no longer even need to think of them! Once that happens, you can consider expanding on them. For now, remember to think small.

Having trouble thinking small? Tell me your habit and I’ll help you come up with a small daily habit to achieve it.

The Olympics couldn’t have come at a better time, at least for me personally. They’ve been the dose of inspiration I’ve needed in a long, uninspiring, sluggish, dark, cold winter. In watching, I made an important realization. Here I’m going to share what I learned watching the Olympics.

What I Learned Watching the Olympics

I sat on my couch in awe as I watched the women’s half-pipe and Chloe Kim win gold. She’s fluent in three languages and a gold medalist at 17. I smiled ear to ear overjoyed for her as she made her victory run.

“I can’t even not eat too much pizza,” I said aloud to myself.

Although I’ve always had incredible admiration for Olympians, I assumed they arrived at the Olympics because the deck was stacked in their favor. Like the fourth generation son in a long line of Harvard graduates, I figured a lot of it came down to where they live, who they know, and how much money they have. First of all, these sports are expensive! And you can’t do most of these sports just anywhere.

So I figured “good for them,” but thought, “yeah, I could be an Olympian too if I had rich, supportive parents who exposed me to a sport at a young age, nurtured my talent and made sure I lived in an area where I could practice.”

What I learned not only watching the Olympics this year, but listening, is how wrong I was.

First of all, not all Olympians have the deck stacked in their favor. Yes, Chloe Kim may have the world’s most supportive parents. (Her dad quit his job when she was eight years old so that he could travel the world with her!) But the closest halfpipe to her home in California was five hours away. During the two years she lived in Switzerland, she had to take two trains to reach the Alps. Not to mention that no matter how much support she had, she still had to find the courage to speed down a vertical slope and up the other side in order to launch herself into the air and flip around a few times before landing on hard packed snow. No matter your circumstances, that kind of courage comes from within.

And let’s look at figure skater Adam Rippon. During his interview immediately following his solo team skate, an announcer asked him what it took to be there in PyeongChang. He explained that he had moved to Los Angeles six years ago to work with a certain coach. In order to do so, he slept in a basement and stole apples from the gym because he couldn’t afford a place to live, let alone food.

After hearing these stories, this is what I learned watching the Olympics: Dreams require sacrifice.

Sacrifice

Deck stacked in my favor or not, I don’t have what it takes to be an Olympian. I don’t have that ability to sacrifice to the level required of me in order to reach my dreams.

Do you really think Chloe Kim woke up at the crack of dawn every Saturday excited to sit in a car for five hours? Maybe sometimes? She was a kid when she started snowboarding and then a teenager, that wonderful age when our friends, love lives, and phones take precedence over all else. But not for Chloe and Adam and the other Olympians. They sacrificed. And that’s why they’re in South Korea right now. And they damn well deserve to be there.

I am in awe of Olympians. For me, I’m not just watching what they can do, but I’m watching for what they have done to get to where they are. I love the stories. The setbacks, the trials, the tribulations. Each story is incredibly inspiring to me.

I don’t have a completed draft of my novel or weigh less than I did this time last year, let alone have a medal around my neck. That’s because I don’t sacrifice enough. I don’t sacrifice sleep, couch time, eating or drinking too much, the urge to be lazy… is it any wonder I haven’t achieved my goals and dreams.

But I’m taking inspiration from these Olympians and at least now I know what it takes to be a champion: sacrifice.

What have you sacrificed to achieve your dreams?

Throughout the year, life encapsulates me like a caterpillar. But by the start of a new one I am ready to emerge a reborn butterfly. For weeks I’ve been preparing and gaining momentum for the start of a brand new year. The canvas I’ve spent twelve months marking up is removed and a pristine one is placed before me. At last I get to apply all the lessons and skills I’ve acquired with fresh brushes, and attempt to paint my life once more. But before I can set paint to canvas, I had to spend time picturing the life I will create…

My 2018 Vision

When I closed my eyes and envisioned my life this coming year, I experienced the liberating sensation of significantly reduced debt and simpler living. I saw and felt a healthier version of my body; thinner, with more energy. I saw this improved body in yoga classes sweating beside a roaring winter fire and holding advanced poses as I concentrated on snow falling lazily through the windows. I envisioned myself writing the words “The End” as I finally completed the first draft of my novel. I saw myself preparing and cooking healthy meals, chatting with my husband, in a version of our kitchen where the renovations were finally complete. Lastly and most significantly of all, I saw the big waves of the North Shore of Oahu. Waves I literally dream of. Waves I have been dreaming of since I was eleven years old. I see them in my vision of 2018.

And now it is time to make these visions my 2018 reality.

My 2018 Goals

1. Significantly reduce consumer debt

It’s only natural my minimalist journey would lead me to this point. I had heard of author and finance expert Dave Ramsey before and have even messed around with his system. But it was all premature. I read his book, The Total Money Makeover cover to cover on December 26 and created our “everydollar” budget. I soon realized the only way for this to work was for me and Mike to operate as a team dedicated to a common goal. I spent time going through the system and budget with Mike. For the first time in our marriage I finally let go of my fears and the voices of the scorned woman in my head and we agreed to pool our money and attack our debt and finances as a team. It’s been a very exciting week of big changes.

I have a strong feeling “Finances” will become a new category on this site in 2018, so stay tuned for lots more on this…

2. Lose weight

It wouldn’t be a list of goals of mine without this one on it, right? But I think we all know “lose weight” by itself isn’t nearly S.M.A.R.T. enough. So I’ve made a big decision regarding how this goal is going to look. I don’t recall a time in my life when I wasn’t trying to “lose weight.” I am burnt out and tired of trying to lose weight. I lost 40 pounds in 2017 and it was a horrible experience. Is it any surprise I gained almost all of that weight back? It’s time for something new.

Here’s the real goal and I’m putting it out there for the whole world to see: “Get under, and stay under 200 pounds.”

That’s it. That’s all I want. I’ve been over 200 pounds (with the exception of two months in 2017) since July, 2013. I hate this club and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I’m going to get under 200 pounds and then for the first time in my memory I am going to take a break from trying to “lose weight” and work on staying under 200 pounds. I think this change in mindset will be great for me.

3. Complete the first draft of my novel

I made progress on my novel in 2017 and learned a great deal about how to achieve this incredibly challenging task. I am going to break this goal into monthly mini goals and tackle it one month at a time.

4. Establish a regular and consistent yoga practice

I love yoga. But it’s hard, especially after a long break. Yoga connects me with myself and helps me to appreciate my body; I need it for my well being and I miss it when I’m without it. I want yoga to be a natural part of my life again. It will take work and dedication to make it so. But I know it’s worth it, so I’m starting off easy again and will build myself and my body back up.

5. Finish three specific home projects

This includes completing the kitchen renovation. We started it a couple years ago, but never finished. I’m tired of having an incomplete and unfinished kitchen. Even with significantly reducing our debt I know we can make this happen since there isn’t much left besides new counter tops and back splash. There are two other smaller projects we’ve been putting off. One will only require a warm weekend and work.

(If you or someone you know sells or installs counters, please let me know!)

6. Go to Hawaii and see the big waves

This is the big one so allow me to back up. I’m not being figurative when I say I dream of big waves. I actually have recurring dreams of sitting on beaches and watching big waves. I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but it’s always seemed too much of a “Banzai Pipe” dream.

But things have changed…

First of all, there are people in my life, like my brother Doug who travel all over who have inspired me and made travel feel more accessible. (Just read my friend Sarah’s post on her favorite 2017 travel experiences and you’ll see what I mean.) Secondly, my friend Glenn died this month and I was reminded once more of just how short life really is. What am I waiting for, I asked myself. Thirdly, Airbnb. It’s a wonderful, affordable thing.

I was nervous to talk to Mike about this one, so I prefaced and built up to it. Long story short, he gave me his blessing and agreed to go. The plan (and we’re booking our Airbnb in January) is to be there for New Year’s 2018/2019 and hope with all our hearts the waves are up since it will be big wave season.

I can’t think of a more inspiring and rewarding carrot to have waiting for me at the end of 2018. I want to deserve it. I want to get on that plane in December 2018 having accomplished every one of these six goals, and finish my year doing something I have always dreamed of… sitting on the beach and watching the big waves roll in.

This is the picture I will create this year.

Now tell me, what picture are you going to create this year?

I achieved seven of my ten September goals. One I didn’t meet was to re-establish a regular yoga practice. I only practiced yoga once so far this month. Another was to meet a specific weight goal, which I didn’t. Probably because I only only exercised 11 days so far this month. I also ate in a manner in which I’d like to avoid 19 days and drank alcohol 11 days. How do I know all this? I use a habit tracker. And I’ll tell you why you should use a habit tracker, too.

What is a habit tracker?

A habit tracker is a simple tool where you can track habits you wish to cultivate and any other daily functions relevant to you. Your habit tracker can be made in Excel or a similar program, written in a bullet journal, or however your creative heart desires. List the habits you want to track and allow a block for every day of the month beside each habit. Check off or fill in the pixels on the days you achieve each habit, and leave blank the days you don’t.

Like this:

Why you should use a habit tracker

1. It keeps you honest with yourself.

Plain and simple. You either succeeded or you didn’t.

Here are some of the habits I track:

• Waking up at 5 am
• Daily meditation practice
• Minimum of 45 minutes spent exercising
• Minimum of 60 minutes spent working on novel
• Worked towards a monthly goal?

If I do those things, I get to color in the box. If not, it stays blank.

2. You can see in black and white (or bright colors) where you may be falling short and what’s preventing you from achieving your goals.

Goals are achieved through daily actions. One of my goals was a specific weight. In order to make it, I had to eat right and exercise. I failed at doing that consistently enough, so it’s no surprise whatsoever that I didn’t meet my goal.

Say your goal is to write 100 pages of a novel over a month. Well then your daily goal becomes 3.2 pages a day and that can be a daily habit you track. If you don’t hit your mark, you’ll be able to look at your tracker and see why.

If you’re a goal-oriented person and understand that you need to break down your goals into daily tasks, then a habit tracker is for you.

After all, “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Van Gogh

3. Because “Never is never right, and always is always wrong.”

Ganga White said this and it’s one of my favorite quotes. Through the use of my habit tracker I see first hand just how true this is. We have a tendency to say what we “never” do or “always” do, but when you’re literally tracking those things, you begin to see that neither is correct.

After a week of steady exercise we tend to boast how we “always” work out, even though we didn’t for three weeks before it. Or when we’re disheartened we may say things like I’ll never finish my novel because I never write anymore.

When you track your habits, you see that the truth is most likely somewhere in the middle, and then you can adjust accordingly.

4. A habit tracker is a motivational tool that makes breaking bad habits and cultivating good ones fun.

The boxes are little carrots at the end of the day that you want to color in. That simple act is motivating! They’re like gold stars for a job well done!

Not sure what to track? Think of the habits you want to break and those you want to cultivate.

Here are ten ideas to get your gears turning:

• Didn’t smoke
• Drank 64 ounces of water
• Ate breakfast
• Made the bed
• Didn’t buy lunch
• Journaled
• Didn’t exceed daily calorie intake
• Smiled at a stranger
• Walked a minimum of 10,000 steps
• Didn’t snack before bed

5. You get to start each month with a clean slate.

Each new month brings with it a cleansing and enthusiastic energy. I like to start each one organized and prepared for a fresh start. I don’t dwell on where I could have tried harder or what I should have done better. I look to the future and try again. So I print out a fresh new habit tracker and begin again!

Excited to join me and try out habit tracking for yourself? Click the button below to join my mailing list (I only send one email a month, I promise!) and receive a free habit tracker download! Once you submit your email address, check your inbox for an email with a link to your beautifully designed habit tracker pdf. (If you don’t see the email, please check your spam or junk folder.)

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This post wraps up #BlogMarch2017, a movement created by the lovely Robin Renee to bring people together in order to raise voices for freedom of expression, knowledge, and information. Visit her blog tomorrow for a full recap of the march.

All month I’ve been reading the #BlogMarch2017 posts and have been in awe of people’s stories, their creativity, their voices… But more than anything I’ve been in awe of their courage. Here are people who refuse to remain voiceless in the face of adversity and struggle. Here are people who have the courage to live life by their own terms, be themselves, and speak their truths. And they’re willing to stand up for themselves and others, so that they may do the same.

What I’ve witnessed has reiterated what I already believe with all my heart: that we are not powerless. We are not victims of our circumstances. We have voices, faces, and ideas; strength to overcome and persevere; the freedom to expression and assembly; the right to resources and knowledge, and therefore, we are NOT helpless.

This applies to all struggles, personal, political and otherwise. We need not accept anything that we know in our hearts we cannot accept. We need not continue to surround ourselves with people who do not believe in us or support us. We need not continue to live unhappy, complacent lives. Be it as macro as a President you could never embrace as your own or the attack on women’s rights, or something more personal like a shitty job, toxic relationship or your weight, remember: WE ARE NOT POWERLESS.

Proof We Are Not Powerless

I will prove it.

Think of something you struggle to accept. Perhaps it’s another year at your depressing desk job? The rise in crime in your neighborhood? Another summer spent covered up at the pool because you hate the way you look in a swimsuit? Crippling debt? The attack on women’s rights in the United States? Your elected politicians? Your son’s messy bedroom? An addiction? A racist relative? A trauma from your past?

Some examples appear harder to take on than others, yes? But regardless of how overwhelmingly large your struggle may seem, how frightening, or how difficult, please consider it while I ask you a question: WHAT IS ONE THING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW to begin to change, express your feelings, and ultimately take ACTION against that which you cannot accept? In every single example there is at least one thing you can do right now to prove to yourself you are not helpless. It just takes a decision to DO ONE THING.

Things We Can Do

Write a letter or make a phone call, seek out a counselor or a doctor, start a meet-up to bring like-minded people together, throw away the junk food, balance your checkbook, channel your feelings through a creative medium, confide in someone, stand up and speak up! If you feel unempowered and afraid, your first ‘one thing’ may be to speak to someone that is or has been in a similar situation. Maybe it’s even just writing down the words in a journal. Everything in life begins with a first step. It doesn’t matter how small, as long as you use your power and take it.

Although we tend to isolate ourselves in our struggles, know that we are not alone with anything in this world. People all over are experiencing our same struggles. And when people come together, amazing things happen.

Remember, we need not accept anything we know in our hearts we cannot. Regardless of how large, frightening, or difficult the task to change or create change may seem, we are not powerless. There is one thing you can do right now to take action, no matter how small it may seem. And if we all begin to take action, we can set things in motion. If we set things in motion, we can change our lives. And if we can change our lives, we can collectively change the world.

Be sure to visit Robin Renee’s blog on June 1 for a full recap of #BlogMarch2017

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Dear Jessica,

I know you had a long week and you’re tired. But yoga would be a great way to end your week. Go to yoga class because it makes you feel wonderful. Then you can come home, take a nice shower, get into your pajamas, and enjoy a comfortable, well-deserved Friday night on the couch cuddling with Cooper. You got this.

I found that note on my bed when I got home from work. My yoga clothes were laid out neatly beside it, as was my mat. The note was signed: Love, Past Jessica.

I wrote the note to myself that morning knowing full well how I would feel later: TIRED. So I gave my future self the gift of motivation and encouragement. I read the note and thanked my past self for the reminder, changed into my yoga clothes, grabbed my mat, and went to yoga class. Past Jessica was right – it did make me feel wonderful.

You can motivate and encourage your future self this way, too. I started leaving notes to my future self over the past few months when I knew I’d need some support and encouragement. So far, it has helped me do whatever my past self lovingly encouraged me to do. That’s the key – the notes must be supportive and loving. Who feels motivated by a note that begins Dear Fat Fuck… or Dear Lazy Ass… I know I don’t.

I finally have my own back and I like to prove it to myself. I have tried relying on others to encourage and support me but it is unfair to ask so much of them. I’m sure poor Mike recalls all the times he tried to wake me to go to the gym at 5:00 am. “I’m tired,” I’d whine, pulling the covers over my head. Then later, when I woke up, “Oh my God, Mike! Why didn’t you get me up to go to the gym!?” Then it would somehow be his fault. Is it any wonder he stopped volunteering for the job? (sorry, Mike)

No. Motivating and encouraging me is MY job. But since I’m not always good at it, I leave it to past Jessica to do the work. So I leave myself notes when I think I’ll need the help.

Try it out!

1. Grab yourself a colorful notebook or post-its, and some markers. Or heck, smooth out a crumpled receipt and grab a pen, anything you can find. Think about what you want to accomplish that you may need some encouragement for… homework, eat a healthy meal, work out, etc. Now write yourself a note. Just be sure to do it LOVINGLY.

Here’s the one I wrote for myself this morning and left on my bed:

2. Next, be sure to leave your note in a spot where you will see it when you need to. If it’s a reminder to eat a healthy meal, stick it on the fridge. If it’s to go to the gym on the way home from work, then don’t leave it home. Leave it on your driver’s seat so you see it before you even start your car.

3. To make the note even more helpful, leave whatever you may need with the note: your gym clothes, a recipe, your textbook, the phone number of the person you’ve been putting off calling…

Leaving a loving note for yourself is a quick and easy way to motivate and encourage your future self. Try it out and let me know how it works for you!

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Somewhere along the course of my life, I became convinced I didn’t deserve to feel good about myself. Well-manicured nails, nice clothes, special treatments… these things were exclusively reserved for thin, healthy women. They deserved them, not me. I’d have to earn them. And the only way I could earn them was to quit smoking and be thin. Since I almost always fell short in that department, I have deprived myself of that which would make me feel better. I didn’t realize this until quite recently…

The Revelation

I was sitting with my counselor chatting about my progress and how great I’ve been feeling. “And although I’m not at the weight I hoped I’d be by now, I went ahead and made all my appointments anyway for waxing, mani/pedi, etc. I’m going shopping for a new swimsuit and a few new pieces of clothing. I’ve been applying self-tanner,” I said with a laugh.  “I want to do whatever I can to look as good as I feel. I never did that in the past and I always regretted not trying harder before a special event.”

“Why do you think that is?” she asked.

I had to think about it. Why didn’t I buy new clothes or splurge on new make-up, pedicures or waxing before special events in the past? The truth emerged.

“I suppose it’s because I was never who I wanted to be for the occasion. And so I guess I never felt I deserved those things. I was a fat smoker. I didn’t earn a new swimsuit or clothes, or special treatment. And so I’d go to the thing or the place, and I’d feel self conscious about my clothes and my nails and my hair and my smoking. Feeling like shit was what I deserved.”

No sooner than the harsh reality left my lips did my eyes start to well with this sad revelation. I never understood this was my thought progress and why I made the decisions I did. It hurt to learn this is how I treated myself… that in yet another way, I was my own worst enemy.

“And why is it different now?” she asked.

“I feel good. I know I don’t look much different yet, but I feel different. I’ve quit smoking, have worked so hard and have made so much progress. I don’t want to punish myself anymore. I want to reward myself. I deserve to go to Punta Cana next week and feel as good about myself as possible. So many times I have done things as if I’d get a re-do when I was ready.”

“Like those things didn’t quite count because you weren’t the version of yourself in your head?”

“Exactly. But I’ve learned that there are seldom opportunities for re-dos. I may never go to Punta Cana again. It may be years before I get to to the Caribbean again, if ever. I don’t want to go in an old swimsuit that barely fits or with ugly feet. I don’t want to look at pictures and wish I’d tried harder. I don’t want to feel self-conscious and cry in my room before gaining the courage to go down to the pool.”

Clearly, somewhere over the past few months, a miraculous shift in my thought process occurred.

I deserve to feel good about myself. 

The Preparation

And so I went shopping. Twice. My arms laden with hangers I entered the dressing rooms at various stores prepared for war and experienced countless emotions throughout the process. But with patience, forgiveness, diligence, discernment, and a little help from my friends (Kathy reminded me to tap into my inner Goddess and that I deserve a beautiful swimsuit I feel great in), I emerged victorious. I found two great swimsuits, two gorgeous cover-ups that make me feel confident and sexy, and a few other pieces that fit great and make me feel good.

I will get my nails and toes done, my hair cut, and some waxing. I’ll replace some overdue make-up. I will put care and effort into packing (minimally, of course).

The Conclusion

I have let my fears and a sense that I didn’t deserve things hold me back for a long time. I want to travel! I want to see and experience new things! I want to feel good about myself! I want to achieve my goals! I have shifted my thinking from a place of fear to a place of love and I have witnessed my life finally begin to change. I’ve worked very hard to rid myself of destructive and sabotaging thought processes. It was only once I started to do that that I finally began to see change. I now see this idea that I don’t deserve to feel good about myself for what it truly is: another story concocted by my fear-mind to keep me from living my life and pursuing my dreams. This idea was never motivating, only debilitating.

And now that I know I deserve to feel good about myself, the sky is my limit.

I heard the enthusiastic “Hello!” over the music coming through my headphones and looked around. One of my neighbors waved from across the street. I slipped the buds from my ears and shouted a greeting back. I was nearly done with my regular 3 mile walk, a few houses from home.

“Do you walk often?” she yelled.

I crossed the street to her front yard. “Fairly regularly.”

“I want to walk. Can I walk with you?” she asked.

I had been waving to this woman while walking Cooper since I’d moved in a year ago. “Sure. How about tomorrow morning? Is six too early?”

“That’s perfect!”

“Okay, see you tomorrow at six!”

I went home and told Mike I had a date to walk with the neighbor in the big white house up the street.

“Cool, what’s her name?” he asked.

“No idea.”

I’m not certain that’s exactly how the conversation went, but it’s damn close. And we really didn’t exchange names until the following morning at six am.

I love this story. You see, that’s how me and my very good friend, April met several years ago. All because she put herself out there by approaching a stranger, and because I reciprocated. We both took a chance that day. And I am so very glad that we did. Because now she is one of my closest friends!

The truth is that you just never know what will happen unless you try. Based on April’s family’s comings and goings (their cars must whizz past our house a dozen times a day) it would be easy to assume she was far too busy for a new friend. Or because she has children and I do not, either one of us could have assumed we wouldn’t have much in common. But it didn’t matter. She wanted to walk and saw me walking. That was the spark that set things in motion.

And all you need is one little spark. A shared commute, a flirtatious glance, children in the same class, someone who works in the same building, the handsome man in your Saturday morning yoga class, a friendly neighbor… The world is overflowing with possible human connections. All it takes is a little courage to put yourself out there, a smile and a friendly greeting. After that, see where it goes. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

In mine and April’s case, sure, I could have said, “No, I walk alone” in a very villainy accent. Or we could have gone for a walk and the conversation may have been awkward or we’d discover one or the other wasn’t a nice person and we wouldn’t make plans to walk again. The worst that could have happened is that our lives stayed the same, no better no worse.

Instead, we hit it off splendidly! We would walk well over a hundred miles together over the ensuing years. Mike and April’s husband have become close friends and we adore their children. They have a key to our house and have helped with Cooper when we’re away. They are our wonderful friends, our closest “family” within a 70 minute drive, and we are incredibly grateful to have them in our lives.

Look around you. Another friend or future date might be sitting on the bar stool across from you, live down the street, frequent your gym, or make your weekend smoothie. You won’t know until you put yourself out there.

April did. And I am so damn glad she did.

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These past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about the year behind us, and the year before us. This is a wonderful time for reflection and looking to the future. It is a time to reset and refocus. A fresh start for everyone!

For many, 2016 was one hell of a tough year. We lost so many treasured people and endured an absolutely volatile election. The jokes about 2016 being so awful will live on long after the year has ended. But I have to say, my 2016 wasn’t so bad.

2016 Highlights

1. I QUIT SMOKING! As of this writing I am 159 days cigarette-free! Everyone, this has been a goal of mine for over ten years. TEN YEARS!
2. I got a new car! It’s my first new car, too. It replaced a thirteen year old Ford Focus. So yeah, it’s a big deal.
3. I published my first book! Questions For Life Two Year Guided Daily Journal For Intentional Living is the product of the four components of my daily practice combined into the perfect tool for the masses. This has been a wonderful experience so far and I am thrilled so many people love the journal.
4. I traveled to Asheville, NC and had a wonderful time with family. The mountains were where I finally quit smoking and where I got the idea for Questions For Life. The trip was ripe with new experiences and I am grateful to have traveled someplace new.
5. I built this new website. All by myself, too! This was a very significant blogging goal of mine for 2016.
6. I got my Mom back. My Mom has been addicted to pain killers for many years and it’s been hard. VERY hard. But she managed to kick her addiction and come back to us all. I thank God every single day for this.

So yeah, not too shabby!

In looking back at last year’s New Year post, I see I didn’t write specific goals for 2016. I set out to continue trying to lose weight and stop smoking, one of which I finally achieved! As for other goals, I realized that so many good things had finally become a part of my routine, my LIFE, that I didn’t find it necessary to write them down as goals. That’s pretty cool. And even without those specific goals, I had a successful year just continuing on this wellness journey. I have learned so much, accumulated more tools, had so many new experiences, and generally have continued to get to know myself better. It was a good year.

I grew in 2016. I don’t think I can ask for much more than that.

2017 New Year Goals

But I want to get specific again for 2017. Lately, some new year goals have been playing through my mind, so I’ve focused in on them and come up with the following list:

1. Pay off three specific debts.
   • Financial freedom continues to be a major goal of mine. I have identified three specific debts I have aimed to eliminate by the end of 2017.
2. Complete the first draft of my fiction novel.
   • This is a bold goal, yes. But after barely even touching my novel in 2016, this needs to be a much higher priority.
3. Establish a healthy morning routine, and maintain it consistently.
   • I still struggle with getting out of bed early and getting to yoga. I will not resolve to work out every morning because it’s not realistic. But I do want to commit to giving myself an hour to journal, meditate, read, write, exercise, etc. I also resolve to NOT let my phone be the first thing I look at every morning. Which leads me to my next goal…
4. Drastically reduce the amount of time I spend on Facebook/social media.  
   • One of the questions in Questions For Life is: What would your life look like if you never wasted another minute? Without being too specific, I will say that my life would be amazingly productive and I’d have a lot more to show for my time here. My biggest time suck is Facebook. I catch myself mindlessly scrolling through the nonsense and falling down rabbit holes when I could be producing or learning or any number of things that would serve me better.
5. Continue setting New Moon Intentions each moon cycle with specific 29 day goals.
   • One of the many things I learned in 2016 was how well New Moon Intention-setting works for me. Each new moon, I write down specific intentions which vary cycle to cycle. They include everything from finish reading a book, setting a specific weight goal, not checking social media as soon as I wake up, taking on an extra yoga class, etc. I commit to these intentions at my altar before the Moon and Universe. This holds me much more accountable than simply striving to achieve something by the end of a month. It’s all about finding what works for you. This works for me. So for all 2017 I will set intentions for each new moon, starting with today’s New Moon. I will include in these intentions other goals, as well as mini versions of my larger goals. For example, work on my novel twenty hours during the cycle.
6. Lose weight
   • For the second consecutive year, I have managed not to gain any weight. That’s great and represents progress. But I still struggle to lose weight. That being said, however, I am ending 2016 weighing six pounds less than I weighed at the end of 2015. It took a year’s worth of cognitive therapy and practice, but I think I’m finally on to something. In 2016 I managed to finally quit smoking. I think 2017 will be the year I finally manage to lose weight…

The Importance of Goal-Setting

Damn, it feels good not to have “quit smoking” among that list. When we set new year goals, we establish benchmarks in which to assess ourselves. By setting goals, we say to ourselves: I resolve for this year not to be the same as the last. I won’t live the same year over and over again and call it a life. I will do things differently. This past year I quit smoking. The sense of achievement when we accomplish our goals is incredibly rewarding.

So take some time and think about what you want this year. Just make sure your new year goals are SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time-based). For example, my goal to lose weight isn’t very SMART. I haven’t specifically committed to a certain number of pounds I aim to lose, but I will in my new moon intentions, so I’m covered.

After you’ve established your annual goals, break them down into smaller, specific chunks. Want to lose 50 pounds? Set a monthly goal to lose five pounds and assess yourself regularly and make adjustments where necessary. Want to quit smoking? Don’t just give up if you have a cigarette. Keep track of how many you have a day/week/month and make your goal to cut that back the next week and the next month. Want to save $1,000? Do the math and finesse your budget and come up with a realistic plan to do so. Goals are nothing without a plan to achieve them.

I love this time of year so much. So much optimism, so much energy. I look forward to continuing this life-changing journey in 2017, and I look forward to sharing it with you. I’d love to hear what some of your goals are for the new year. Please share them in the comments.

And if one of your goals is to minimize, then please join my Third Annual Minimalism Challenge kicking off January 1!

I wish you all a very happy, healthy, and hopeful new year!

Previous New Year Posts:

12/30/2015: A Year Well Spent

12/31/2014: 2014/2015: Looking Back & Looking Ahead

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Back on December 8, I shared my latest weight loss saga in ‘Twas The Night Before Weigh-In: My Christmas Struggle Story. In this post I’ve provided an update on how that all turned out. I certainly learned a lot over the past twenty days, including one very valuable lesson about the reasons why we do things. It turns out that because you want something is a good enough reason to go after what you want… but more on that after the update.

In case you didn’t catch the Christmas Struggle Story post and don’t feel like reading it now, I will summarize quickly (but it’s a good post so you should read it.) Long story short, I signed up for a clinical study and went through the majority of the enrollment process before learning my BMI was POINT 3 too high. I was given a week to lose two pounds right in the midst of holiday festivities. But I did it! Only to be told the night before my weigh-in that some of my test results hadn’t come in yet so we’d have to reschedule. Twelve more days, during the height of the Holiday season, I’d have to maintain this lower BMI. It was a struggle. But the day before my appointment I was on point to meet my goal.

Update

Nineteen days I monitored my weight, resisted cravings, adjusted and micromanaged, all during Holiday parties, dinners, and gatherings. Not making this goal was not an option. I would not suffer the embarrassment of not being able to lose two measly pounds and then maintain that loss. The day before my appointment I weighed myself and was on target. For good measure I decided to eat very light and skip dinner. All was well… until at 5:05 that evening when the doctor called.

It turns out that my weight wasn’t the only thing that didn’t meet the guidelines. My cholesterol was also several points too high. It was an automatic exclusion in the study. Maybe they could re-screen me in a couple months, she said.

I was disappointed. But when something is simply not meant to be, it’s pretty obvious. And this was obviously not meant to be.

I had plans to go see the new Star Wars movie that night and after a sense of disappointment, my very next thought was, “well, at least I can get some popcorn now.”

Silver lining. I ate the crap out of that popcorn, too.

Call it resentment, entitlement, bitterness, or whatever, but I ate kind of crappy the next day, too. I couldn’t put my finger on why, though. I feel grateful for the challenge and this exercise (pun intended). I learned that it IS possible to not gain weight, and even lose weight, during a month as full of indulgences as December. Being forced to lose weight for this study was precisely what I needed to learn what I could do, as long as I was willing to focus and had the right incentive.

Finding Another Reason

But now I’m learning how quick I can backslide as soon as my incentive is taken away… and I don’t like it. One and a half days I allowed myself to over indulge and feel whatever negative emotion I was feeling. I’ve put a stop to that. But I still feel less motivated. I wonder… why isn’t my health and my own desires to lose weight enough reason to go after what I want? Why did it take a doctor and a clinical study to get my ass in gear?

These are the questions I’m asking myself today…

I don’t have an answer, except to say that what I want needs to be enough incentive. And lucky for me, I have the perfect motivational mantra to help me. I got through nineteen days successfully managing my weight. I did it once, so I can do it again. I WILL finish the rest of this holiday season, and this month, and this year at my clinical study goal (or less), mark my words. And I will do it for no other reason than it is WHAT I WANT.

Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe I was not meant for this study. What it was meant for was teaching me this lesson. It gave me a confidence and an empowerment to end my year strong and to start a new one with even more optimism and energy than usual.

Because we want something really should be all the reason we need to go after things. For many individualized reasons, it’s often not enough motivation. But it needs to be. What better reason than because we want it!?

So now, ask yourself: is this a good enough reason to go after what you want?

It is for me.