I have journaled every single day for the past two years. I’ve written a little bit about my day, including my happiest moment and what made me feel grateful, for the past 730 days. I had wanted one journal to track all of these things. I also wanted to be able to easily reflect on entries from the year before. Unable to find such a journal, I created and published Questions for Life back in 2016. I also added a daily self-discovery question to inspire reflection and personal growth. I love this journal and how easy it is to commit to using since each entry only takes a few minutes. After 730 daily entries, some things have become abundantly clear. Here’s my lessons learned from two years of daily journaling:

1. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Every day is not amazing. Some days simply just “are.” And some days seem full of disappointment, sorrow, or pain. But regardless, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for because at the very least we have access to food and water and shelter. We can be grateful our loved ones are safe, even when we’re feeling unsafe. And if the day truly seems awful, we can be grateful that no day goes on forever.

The more I wrote down what made me feel grateful, the more I realized just how very much I have to be grateful for.

2. Life is fuller when you appreciate (and look back on) the mundane, rather than just the highlight reel.

People typically have a bad habit of only focusing on the highlights (and lowlights) of their lives. The majority of our days are fairly mundane, however, and it’s up to us to recognize the good stuff. My journal is full of happiest moments comprised of lunchtime walks with my best friend Kathy, enjoying delicious meals, laughing with my gaming friends on Tuesday nights, reading under a blanket on cold Sunday mornings, cuddling with our beloved dog Cooper, date nights with my husband Mike, the satisfaction of productive days, playing in the snow with the neighborhood children, even simply sitting down on the couch on a Friday night after a long week just as a favorite movie is starting on television.

These things may not be worth writing home about, but they were worth noting as my happiest moments, and increase my quality of life. During my second year of journaling I really enjoyed reading what I had written the year before and reliving those happy moments.

3. You may not feel “happiness” every single day, but at the very least you will have reason to smile, laugh, or experience a positive emotion.

Did you ever see the Pixar movie Inside Out? Joy didn’t want any of Riley’s days to be tainted by sadness. In the end, it became clear that happiness and sadness sometimes swirl together, and it’s a beautiful thing. No one day is 100% happy or 100% sad.

For example, I am saddened to share that my mother-in-law, Rose passed away on Thanksgiving. Mike and I were across the country in Washington state. We were shocked and devastated and felt so terribly far from home and Mike’s father and brother. But we were in Washington with my brother and sister-in-law and it was Thanksgiving. And so we celebrated Thanksgiving while we mourned. And that night my brother had friends over for dessert and games and we laughed… a lot.

There have also been bad days when I didn’t get to be with family and play games, but I was able to identify a positive moment, even if it was the relief and comfort of curling up with Cooper under a thick blanket at the end of the day.

2018 Summary

2018 was a tough year full of trials, depression and an intentional writing hiatus that both helped and hurt. Cooper was diagnosed with renal cancer and we had to have one of his kidneys removed. I landed in a hospital this past September with the worst pain imaginable. It was a kidney stone stuck in my ureter. It took nearly 10 hours from when I initially felt the excruciating pain in my back until it finally subsided. Following my hospital stay, I had complications with fluid retention and was put through a myriad of testing. Mike’s mom was sick with Leukemia. We cancelled our trip to Hawaii (we would have left for Oahu today) that I planned last January. There are other things I could mention, but I don’t feel the need. I managed to find a happy or positive moment in all of it, and of course things to be grateful for.

Despite all the trials, there were good days. A trip to a water park, a quick family vacation with Cooper after he recovered, a wonderful joint surprise birthday for my mother-in-law and her brother less than a month before she died…

I take the good with the bad and I’m grateful for all of it and my ability to find the positive in every single day.

Looking Ahead to 2019

Everything that’s happened has brought me to this moment. I’ve been working on this post for two weeks now, but I’m just happy to be writing again. There will hopefully be more of that in 2019, especially since it’s been made clear to me that I’m not done writing, after all. I’ll be playing #minsgame again in January and have already prepped my home office for a new desk coming today. I’m nesting and preparing for a fresh start, and that includes goal and intention setting (of course.)

I have always believed that many things happen for a valid reason and at the right time. The past few months has reiterated that time and time again. Without going into detail, I will say that there has been a lot of synchronicity in my life leading up to the end of 2018, which has put things in motion for an exciting start to 2019.

I wish you all a Happy New Year and a 2019 full of gratitude and happy moments! Thank you for reading.

Looking to increase your quality of life in 2019? May I suggest a daily journaling practice with Questions For Life? It is available on Amazon.

Another year has gone. One of my greatest fears is living the same year over and over and calling it life. To ensure I’m not doing that, I prioritize year end reflection to evaluate how I did on my goals, and contemplate the year’s highlights, successes, and the new experiences it provided. I try not to take life for granted. Taking time to reflect helps me to better appreciate the year behind me, acknowledge my growth and successes, and express gratitude for it all. It also helps me to assess where I fell short and what I want out of the year ahead. And now that 2017 is behind us, here’s my year in review.

2017 Year End Reflection Highlights:

1. New Travel Experience: Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Mike and I traveled to Punta Cana this past March for our friend’s 40th birthday. That was not only a beautiful and incredible experience overall, but it also provided a wonderful exercise in letting go when we got stuck there a few extra days due to bad weather back home. Travel is important to me and I’m glad we went and had this luxurious experience. The trip yielded two blog posts if you’d like to read more about it:

Stuck in Punta Cana: An Exercise in Letting Go and

Jumping in at Hoyo Azul Cenote in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

2. Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching Certification

In April I attended an Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching Certification course. Over the next few months I completed my coursework and practicum. In July I received my official certification. This course was worth every penny. I learned so many useful tools not only to help myself maintain well being and balance in my own life, but also how to help others do the same. Although other priorities have still been my focus, I am available for coaching. I’m not sure where this will take me yet, but I’m grateful for the tools and knowledge I acquired through this process.

3. Renewed Relationships

2017 saw the return of my father (and his family) into my life. I truly believe that things happen when we are ready, and when they are meant to. I’ve done a lot of work letting go, forgiving, and opening my heart. Once my heart was open, opportunities just seemed to present themselves. I seized those opportunities and was rewarded with the return of family. I am incredibly grateful for this.

4. New Job

After thirteen years in non-profit, including six years at my most recent position, I made the shift to corporate. I left my job and took a position as Marketing Operations Manager in November. Changing jobs was not one of my 2017 goals, but again, opportunities presented themselves and I went for them. When they didn’t work out, I learned from them and went after more. I found a wonderful new job and am incredibly happy and grateful for this shift in my career. I’m also proud of myself for being open to a major change and pursuing it.

5. Weight Loss

I kicked off 2017 with a weight loss challenge to lose forty pounds in six months. It was the hardest damn thing I ever did in my life, but I did it. Yes, I lost 40 pounds in six months.

Unfortunately I’ve gained a bit of it (okay, a lot of it) back. But my weight loss still belongs on this list because it consumed six months of my year and was a tremendous accomplishment. And I am happy to report that I’m ending 2017 weighing less than I did when it started. Therefore, goal achieved.

6. Major Minimizing

I’ve been minimizing my possessions and embracing a more minimalist lifestyle for just under three years now. It’s definitely something that progresses in stages. This past year I minimized my already pared down wardrobe by more than half!  You can read more about that here. Minimalism continues to be a way of life for me. In fact, I’m playing #minsgame again starting January 1! And if you’d like to join me in playing, please post your photos on social media using #minsgamewithjw in your posts.

7. Not One Cigarette

I quit smoking July 23, 2016 and haven’t touched another cigarette since. Not when I was out socializing, not drunk in Punta Cana… NOT ONE CIGARETTE. Although reaching my one year anniversary on July 23 was very cool, I think it’s even cooler to say for the first time in over fifteen years: I DIDN’T SMOKE THIS YEAR! I have not one single experience associated with smoking in 2017. I’m proud of myself for that.

2017 Reflection:

Thanks to year end reflection I think it’s safe to say that 2017 was a good year. It definitely wasn’t the same as the years before it! I traveled, lost weight, was smoke-free, changed jobs, learned a lot, and rekindled relationships with estranged family. I can go to bed on New Year’s Eve with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

2017 Goal Analysis:

But how’d I do on my 2017 goals? Well, let’s see, shall we? Here they are:

1. Pay off three specific debts.

I paid off two of the three! The third I reduced only by $447.05. (2018 is going to be a big year for finances so stay tuned for more on that.)

2. Complete the first draft of my fiction novel.

I knew this was a bold goal. I didn’t even come close to achieving this. HOWEVER, I did make progress. And I do have some momentum heading into 2018. You will see this goal again. I refuse to give up on it. But I’ve adjusted my approach to accomplishing how I achieve it. Clearly, what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working.

3. Establish a healthy morning routine, and maintain it consistently.

I didn’t get up at 5 am every weekday, but I’d say I did wake up early more days than not. Therefore, I deem this goal a success. I rarely used the extra time to work out, but I did sit in my office, enjoy my coffee, plan for the day ahead, journal, read, etc. I enjoy my leisurely mornings. Overall, I have felt more organized and less stressed as a result of waking up earlier. This goal won’t need repeating because after a year, waking up early is just something I do most days naturally now.

4. Drastically reduce the amount of time I spend on Facebook/social media.

Turning off notifications on my phone was one of the smartest things I did this year. This drastically reduced how often I check in on social media. I still find myself scrolling my way down rabbit holes at times, but it’s not as often. Regardless, I’ve learned I’m not missing anything. It’s still fun and I’m not about to quit social media, but I can certainly cut back even more. That will require mindfulness to catch myself because I swear sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

5. Continue setting New Moon Intentions each moon cycle with specific 29 day goals.

I’ve benefited from and enjoyed being more in sync with lunar cycles. I set new moon intentions almost every moon cycle. I can’t say how much it has improved my productivity, but it has improved my sense of connectedness to the Universe. For me, moon ritual is spiritual. My natural rhythm better matches the moon’s, and so this is what works for me.

6. Lose weight

For the third consecutive year I am completing the year weighing less than when it began. You already know I lost forty pounds this past year, but I also gained almost all of it back. But the goal was to lose weight. And I did that. You’ll see a version of this goal among my 2018 goals, but a bit different… stay tuned.

I’ve been saying all year that 2017 was a good year. Thanks to year end reflection, I can see with certainty that I was correct. Sure, there were rough spots and losses, but what would be the point in writing about those? When you focus on the positive, life is positive. It’s that simple. And I can see that I had one hell of a positive year.

Now it’s my favorite time of year! It’s time to plan for 2018! Stay tuned for my 2018 goals coming on December 31. Thanks so much for reading. I wish you all a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

What about you? What are some of your 2017 highlights? How did you do with your goals? I’d love to hear from you!

I’ve been journaling in Questions For Life: Two Year Guided Daily Journal For Intentional Living for a year now. Since it’s a two-year journal, I’m at the wonderful point where I can reflect back on what I wrote last year: what I did every day, what my happiest moments were, what I was grateful for, and how I answered the self-discovery questions. I read what I wrote through the end of 2016. It’s been insightful to see what a difference a year has made, and at the same time, where I’m still stuck. Some things that upset me this time last year no longer matter. But there were areas where I was struggling that I still find myself struggling with today. This self-reflection and comparison over a year’s time helps provide an understanding of my emotions, strengths and weaknesses. It provides me with clarity and direction for moving forward. This is the magic of journaling and reflection.

For example, here is the question for December 23: What are you avoiding? Why?

Last year I wrote three things each followed by “because it’s hard.” One of those things I no longer want to do, thankfully. One of those things I’m still avoiding because it’s still hard. And one of those things is still really hard, but guess what, I’m not avoiding it anymore.

I think that question alone is a great example of the difference a year can (and also can’t) make. And now I know one of my 2018 goals needs to be that thing I’ve avoided for two years because it’s hard. I don’t want to still be avoiding it next year, too. I know I can do hard things. It’s time to tackle this one.

This is the magic of journaling and reflection! It is crucial to our well-being to be able to see our change, our growth, and yet also identify where we’re stuck. Not to mention, we tend to have amnesia when it comes to the day-to-day. Reading through my happiest moments from December 2016 has brought back lovely memories that didn’t necessarily make the 2016 highlight reel.

I’ve also been expressing gratitude in this journal every day for over a year now. Not once did I struggle to find something to be grateful for. Many days, I was grateful for things as simple as laughing with friends, a long chat with my oldest brother, being home after a couple days away, or being able to help a friend… Identifying something you feel grateful for every day helps you realize how truly fortunate you really are.

This post is not intended to be an advertisement for Questions For Life (although I highly recommend it not only because I wrote it, but because I use it every day). This post is to share with you the magic of journaling and reflection. This is specifically why I created it as a two-year journal. Journaling alone is reflective and wonderful, but having a direct comparison to what you wrote the year before is where the magic happens. Being reminded of what was going on, what you did, what made you happy… learning from it and growing from it.

I’m enjoying this journal very much. I always look forward to writing in it, but now even more so reading about last year.

Questions For Life is on sale at Amazon right now for $15.99. Although it can be started any time of the year, the new year is a great time. Buy one for a gift and one for yourself and experience the magic of journaling and reflection for yourself.

I received disappointing news last week. Since all my writing is inspired by my personal journey, I took this as an opportunity to coach myself on how to deal with disappointment. This post is as much for me as it is for you. And if you think I’ve left anything out, please let me know in the comments.

So anyway, yeah, I was disappointed. I had an exciting opportunity in the works. For over two months I struggled between being realistic and optimistic; not getting my hopes up and visualizing my desired outcome in order to help manifest it. In the end I decided to believe the opportunity was mine. I daydreamed, used words like “when” instead of “if.” I was confident.

Since I believed the opportunity was mine, the disappointment was magnified. It’s not just that I didn’t get something I wanted. I feel as though something was taken away from me.

So how to deal with disappointment? After all I’ve learned I can surely pass this exam. Here’s what I’m thinking:

1. Don’t take it personal

This is one of the Four Agreements in the aptly named book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that I recently finished reading.

“When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” – Ruiz

I won’t take personally not being chosen for this opportunity. There are countless reasons why I may not have been selected in the end and many of them may have nothing to do with me personally. I know this. And if it is something personal, like the sound of my voice for example, it’s still not personal. Because I also know that what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own preferences, their own dreams. And they are entitled to them. They have no bearing on me.

2. Don’t assign meaning or make assumptions

And in that vein, not being selected doesn’t mean I’m no good or not talented or not likeable. It doesn’t mean I’ll never be successful. I won’t make any assumptions regarding future opportunities based on this one disappointment.

3. Identify the blessings or silver linings

It’s not ideal, but look, I got a crash course on how to deal with disappointment and test all I’ve learned (and my next blog post, to boot). You take the good with the bad. I’m sure there are other blessings here I can’t possibly know. Maybe the opportunity wasn’t meant for me and I would have hated it. Maybe I dodged a bullet?

Regardless, I got really far in the process and garnered a lot of valuable experience.

4. Be grateful

Like I always say, there is always something to be grateful for. I am grateful to no longer be in limbo, waiting for a decision. That turned into a terrible distraction.

I am also grateful that although it feels like I lost something, I didn’t really. I am no worse than I was before this. For that I am grateful.

5. Remain optimistic

I won’t allow life’s disappointments to turn me into a cynical pessimist. I will remain optimistic.

6. Brush yourself off

I admit that after zoning out and feeling sorry for myself for an hour or so, I then ate a really big slice of chocolate cake. But then I did brush myself off! I got my bearings and drafted this blog post to help me process my disappointment.

7. Try, try again

Then I identified next steps and immediately tossed my hat back in the ring.

One dropped ball won’t have me swearing off the game of catch. I’ve caught (and dropped) many balls in my life. There will be more balls. And I’ll drop some.

But I have a feeling I’ll catch a really good one soon…

Have anything to add? Let me know in the comments.

Jessica is a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Click here to contact her for a free consultation.

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Well everyone, I did it! I lost 40 pounds in six months and met my HealthyWage deadline in the nick of time!

I feel wonderful! But I have to admit, those last two weeks were a real struggle, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I still have a ways to go, too. But when I look at those two photos side by side, I feel incredibly accomplished and proud.

Everyone’s support has been invaluable! I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement, positive reinforcement, and all around great energy. It took a village, and I could not have done this without you. THANK YOU.

Inspiration

I’ve been told many times since I posted my victory photo that I am inspiring. That is an incredible thing to hear, and something I do not take lightly. I know better than anyone how difficult substantial weight loss can be. And many people have since emailed me with one question, often written exactly like this:

HOW?!?!?!?!

Like so many others struggling with their weight, I truly feel that I have tried everything. So it’s no surprise to me that people think I may have some secret method they haven’t tried before. The fact is that I don’t. I have been writing about my weight loss journey here for some time now. But it is true that I have had great success with specific tools. So I evaluated all that I’ve done and all that has helped me over the past several months so I could tell you how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

10 Things I Attribute Most to My Weight Loss

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I know it may be risky to start with this, but please don’t stop reading. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has changed everything for me, and so deserves the top spot on my list. In the simplest terms, CBT is a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns. It may sound technical, but it’s not. CBT helped me to identify and understand the destructive thought patterns I was literally trapped in, especially when it came to food and ideas around my body and weight. Read my post Cognitive Therapy for Weight Loss for more information and to see this process at work.

I am absolutely convinced now that true, lasting weight loss must start in the brain. How can we possibly repair our bodies without repairing our thought patterns and habits first?

2. Competition: Fitbit Workweek Hustles

I am a competitive person. Knowing this about myself, I use it to my advantage. I love my Fitbit and diligently track my steps. The first week of January my friend, the talented writer, Glenn Walker invited me to a weekly Fitbit challenge called a Workweek Hustle where up to ten challengers compete for bragging rights. One week of friendly competition turned into six full months! Every week (and many weekends in the Weekend Warrior) a group of Fitbit “friends” compete for a virtual trophy, monitor each other’s progress, and talk a little smack. It has kept me active and getting more than my fair share of daily steps.

Many thanks to my friendly Fitbit community!

3. HealthyWage (Financial incentives)

Last December I made a bet with HealthyWage in order to utilize the power of financial incentives. I honestly don’t think I would have hit that forty pound goal if it weren’t for the $1,548 prize pot at stake. Check out my post Betting on Myself with a Drastic HealthyWager for more details on HealthyWage. And if you sign up for a HealthyWager of your own using this referral link, an extra $40 will be added to each of our prize pots.

4. Meticulous meal planning and preparation

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Without my meal plan, I am a sailor at sea without a map. And so every weekend I take the time to meticulously meal plan for the week ahead, including breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It keeps me organized, minimizes stress around food, and prevents unplanned and last minute calls for takeout. (As an added bonus, meal planning also saves us money and prevents food waste. A meal plan makes creating a grocery list a breeze. No more guesswork or buying anything that goes unused.)

5. The support of friends and family

You know those days when you’re really being good and eating well, and then your husband suggests pizza and mozzarella sticks for dinner? Or a girlfriend calls you up and invites you out for wine and nachos?

Me, too… but not these past few months. That’s because my husband, Mike, family and friends have been incredibly supportive and mindful of my goal and desire to eat healthy. Incredibly so!

For example, a few weeks ago I was shredding cauliflower for a cauliflower crust pizza, when Mike said he was going to order his own pizza. I burst into tears. No, it was not an appropriate response, and not fair to Mike, but I couldn’t help it (like I said, weight loss is an emotional journey, too.) I was instantly terrified and didn’t know how I would resist the temptation of his delicious white flour crust pizza next to my cauliflower one.

“Okay, okay,” he said. “I don’t want to eat that though,” he said pointing at the mountain of cauliflower “snow.” “What if I order a wrap? Will that be better for you?” It was, and he did.

When Philadelphia Restaurant Week came around this past winter, Kathy declined my invitation to our traditional lunch.

“You know,” she wrote, “I have given this a lot of thought, even before your fitness/weight loss challenge. And I am going to decline. I will though, include a challenge: let’s look at the menus and see if we can recreate, with healthy/light ingredients some of our favorite dishes. We can recreate restaurant week, and still meet our fitness goals.”

I was so surprised, and then disappointed. Restaurant Week only comes twice a year! I expressed my disappointment, but reluctantly agreed. As usual, she responded with greater wisdom:

“This is where we compare and prioritize what we really want; and make the grown-up choices of how to choose the path that gets us to where we REALLY want to end up in the long term. Is it going to be disappointing along the way as we have to say goodbye to choices we otherwise would have made? Hell yes, darling. That is the pain of being human. I do know though, that God does reward us tenfold; we just never can see it until later. Proud of you!!”

See what I mean about support!?! I consider myself extremely fortunate.

And those are only two of hundreds of examples. It’s my Mom baking me sweet potatoes instead of white; friends running restaurants past me when making plans; my friend, Suzanne picking a place for happy hour that has awesome custom salads; Mike eating what I eat (99% of the time); people giving me the space and time to make good decisions, non-judgement, compassion…

I could NOT have done this without that support and patience and LOVE. Every single one of the most important people in my life wanted me to succeed. And they all did their part to help make it happen.

I wish I could name everyone who was supportive of this challenge personally, but there are far too many of you. Please know that I noticed, and that I appreciate you.

6. No junk food in the house

I could convince myself all day I’ve learned enough and am now strong enough to keep “treats” in the house. Maybe I am, but I see no reason to test myself. All I’d be doing is tempting myself. And decision fatigue happens. Shitty days happen. And it’s best that I don’t have something to reach for in those moments of weakness.

And so I don’t keep junk food in the house. It’s that simple.

7. The adoption of a simple philosophy: “Eat real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.”

Author and activist Michael Pollan wrote that. I have finally succeeded in being turned off by artificial (toxic) foods, flavors, and colorings. If it was made in a plant and has more than ten ingredients, many of which I can’t pronounce, I DON’T EVEN WANT IT. That includes you, Doritos. There are healthier alternatives. Organic non-gmo popcorn sprinkled with nutritional yeast; salt and vinegar potato chips made with only four ingredients, including healthier oil; real ice cream made with real cream… Our food has gotten so far from actual food that it literally turns my stomach. I don’t want it anymore. I’ll take the real food, thank you.

And so that is precisely how and what I eat: real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.

I love to cook, fortunately. I admit that certainly gives me a slight advantage. Our meals consist of real food every day, and yes, lunch and dinner is mostly vegetables. I am also mindful of portion sizes after years of weighing, measuring, and counting calories (which I no longer feel the need to do.) Something I learned the French say has also helped prevent me from eating too much. They don’t use “hungry” and “full” the way we do here in the states, as if there are two only options. They use “hungry” and “without hunger.” That stuck with me. And so now I always try never to eat until I am full and uncomfortable. I eat until I am without hunger.

8. Tracking

I gave up calorie counting several years ago after years of dutifully doing it and seeing no results. I concluded it doesn’t work for me long term and causes me stress. If it works for you, then cool, keep doing it. What does work for me, however, is food journaling. I write down everything I eat every day, as well as my exercise, and I assign myself a grade from A+ through F based on a personal rubric I designed. I calculate an average GPA at the end of every month. (Data nerd, remember?) As you may imagine, this recovering perfectionist strives for A’s and B’s.

Call this the accountability factor. If I eat it, I write it down. And I don’t want some late night binge dragging down my entire GPA.

9. Daily weigh-ins

I weigh myself every single day. And I recently wrote a post 7 Reasons Why I Weigh Myself Every Day, so I will direct you to that for more on why this has been so beneficial.

10. Yoga

It has pained me to give up yoga these past few weeks as I cut my calories so much during crunch time that I didn’t have the strength for class. Now that I have taken the weekend to rest and eat and regain my strength, I am eager to get back to yoga.

Yoga has taught me so much about my body, its limits, and its capabilities. Yoga has helped me feel strong and empowered. Next to walking, it is my favorite form of exercise. Probably because it is so much more than exercise. It is an experience of body, mind and spirit. I enjoy seeing how far my body has come, and what it can now do that it recently could not.

So there you have it. That’s in large part how I lost 40 pounds in six months. My advice: keep trying tips, methods, programs, and tricks until you discover what works for YOU. Tell people your goals so that they can support you in them. We’re all different and motivated by different things. If I learned anything at all, it’s that all journeys must go through a process. We must discover what doesn’t work for us in order to discover what does. Don’t stick with one program because people tell you it’s best if you’re not seeing results. Give yourself the freedom and flexibility to experiment!

After all, that’s what I did for years. And it eventually paid off. That’s how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

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Next week is my 35th birthday. In a matter of days I will be closer to forty than to thirty. Many people lament getting older. But not me. Maybe that’s because at 35 I feel the healthiest of mind, body and spirit I ever have. Maybe it’s all this knowledge that has come with age. And my God, have I learned a lot these past few years! So in honor of my forthcoming birthday, here are 35 things I’ve learned in my early thirties that have tremendously increased my quality of life.

1. 1. We are not at the mercy of anxiety.

   2. Expectations result in suffering.

   3. There is tremendous peace of mind that comes with owning a safe and reliable car.

   4. Eat like crap, feel like crap. Eat great, feel great.

   5. Life-enhancing benefits come with a mindfulness and meditation practice.

   6. People come into our lives for a reason, and sometimes it’s not for long. And that’s okay.

   7. Keeping clothes that are too small in my drawers and closet is NOT motivating.

   8. We have the power to let go. Of anything and everything. And we can create our own rituals to do it.

   9. We are responsible for our own happiness.

   10. There is a wonderful freedom that comes with practicing minimalism.

   11. Balance in everything is the key to a peaceful and happy life.

   12. I am not at the mercy of negative thoughts and impulsive behavior.

   13. I can spend quality time alone with myself, and enjoy my own company.

   14. People rarely need/want advice. They just want to feel heard.

   15. What people think of us has far more to do with them than it does with us.

   16. Downtime is an absolute necessity.

   17. Stress KILLS.

   18. Miracles DO happen.

   19. Body Glide is a woman’s best friend (especially in the summer!)

   20. People are not mind readers. It’s our responsibility to ask for what we need/want.

   21. I learned how to properly track and understand my menstrual cycle.

   22. Productive, well-balanced days are my favorite kind of days.

   23. I CAN quit smoking.

   24. The only way out is through.

   25. I am resilient.

   26. Things can always be worse.

   27. I don’t need to drink to have a good time.

   28. It is best (for me) to do the hardest thing first.

   29. My suffering is never caused by the person I’m blaming.

   30. There is always something to be grateful for.

   31. I CAN lose weight.

   32. Clutter in my home clutters my mind and drains my energy.

   33. I learned how to listen to my body.

   34. Travel makes me feel alive.

   35. Life’s too short to not pursue our dreams like our lives depend on it (because they do).

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2. What are a few things you’ve learned the past few years? Let me know in the comments.

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As a wellness blogger, I share my journey to living a happier, healthier life. Everything that I’m learning, along with my triumphs and tribulations, I share here in hopes that I may positively impact at least one person. To know that I have been successful in that is glorious recognition. I know because Sarah Hawkins Miduski (@obligatraveler), aka The Obligatory Traveler nominated me for a “One Lovely Blog Award.” She has this to say about my site:

“Jess’s blog is one of my favorite, inspiring blogs. She  posts on staying healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually. Jess keeps me grounded, especially when I start to feel self-conscious about my appearance compared to other travel bloggers and vloggers. My hair will always frizz in humidity, my body will never be bikini worthy, and my Lupus causes me to have skin issues. Jess reminds us as women to embrace the things that make us beautiful.”

Reading that mine is one of Sarah’s favorite blogs was my happiest moment yesterday. Sarah is a wonderful person whose enthusiasm for life and adventure is contagious and inspiring! She radiates excitement and joy and has tremendous passion for the things in life, like travel, Harry Potter and ice cream (lots and lots of ice cream) that make her happy. It is this passion and authentic joy that lives within her that makes her shine. I am thrilled to have helped her remember to embrace that which makes her beautiful.

Despite having three chronic illnesses and the different challenges each condition brings, Sarah keeps traveling and living life to the fullest.  She writes mainly about travel, books, and ice cream. Be sure to check out Obligatory Traveler for a dose of inspiration!

So now I’m going to share the love(ly). The rules are:

• Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog

• List seven random things about yourself

1. I have a degree in Fashion Marketing
2. I really enjoy true crime/mobster movies, documentaries, podcasts, etc.
3. I wanted to be a professional surfer when I was a kid
4. A salami and cheese sandwich is one of my all-time favorite comfort foods
5. I am an enormous Harry Potter fan (Ravenclaw represent!)
6. I went to Disney World for the first time when I was 26
7. I feel uncomfortable if I don’t have a glass or bottle of water nearby

• Nominate (up to 15) other bloggers
  

1. I only just recently discovered Life is For Living, but when I did I couldn’t believe how much me and Jen have in common! If you like my site, I’m fairly certain you’ll like hers, too. A self-proclaimed “former fatty,” Jen is all about healthy, simple living. She is also a fellow aspiring writer, foodie, personal finance nerd, compulsive list-maker and Ravenclaw! Be sure to check her out.

• (Please don’t feel pressured to reciprocate if you don’t want to or have done so before. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate all of the hard work that you put into your writing.)

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Aspiring to do and see things is healthy. But unfortunately, once we’ve done or seen them we have a tendency to move right on to the next desire. We tend to cast away our past experiences into a ‘been there, done that’ box. The key to happiness is to compare ourselves not to those more fortunate, but those less fortunate. I think we should apply that philosophy when it comes to our “bucket list” desires. Rather than (or in addition to) list all the things we want do and see, we should list all the things we have done and seen. By creating a bucket list in reverse, we can see just how full our lives have been and how much we’ve done. Then we can look back with gratitude, rather than ahead with longing.

Bucket List in Reverse

I wrote a sixty item long bucket list in April, 2010. Following are the items I accomplished; my bucket list in reverse if you will:

23. Get my Bachelors degree (achieved May, 2014 – was also the commencement speaker.)

27. Own a hammock. Use it all the time. (Purchased in 2014. I adore laying in it.)

29. Run on a beach during low tide. (I’ve done this several times and always love it – it’s the little things.)

31. Stay at the Bed and Breakfast Angels by the Sea, with my mom. (We went for the weekend in December, 2011.)

33. Have a compost pile. (I love that I listed this as an actual bucket list item. We purchased a compost bin after we bought a home and it is full of beautiful compost.)

39. Learn yoga so that I can practice independently. (I have learned enough that I am comfortable practicing independently. I also finally have a regular and consistent yoga practice, something I have wanted to achieve for years.)

41. Go on a vacation with just my best friend. (I have done two overnight trips with two different best friends and loved it.)

42. Sit in a tube and float down the Delaware River. (I did this with my husband, Mike; brother, Doug; and sister-in-law Kristin in July of 2014 and it was a lot of fun!)

44. Adopt a sick or unwanted dog. (I am amazed this was on there since I never cared for dogs. But just a few months later in August, 2010 I found a dog dying of heat stroke in a park. That dog is our beloved Cooper and you can read all about how he came to be with us in Chicken Soup for the Soul’s “My Very Good, Very Bad Dog.”

45. Stop smoking forever. (FINALLY achieved July 23, 2016. It hasn’t been “forever,” but it has been 212 days as of this posting, which feels like forever.) Here’s a photo of me taken on February 7, 2017:

48. Eat lamb, duck, foie gras. (Done! And no, not all at the same time!) 

58. Own a home. (Mike and I purchased our home in June, 2011 and I am grateful for it every day.)

59. See Pearl Jam live. (I saw Pearl Jam in October, 2013. It was an incredible show. Crossing that one off the list was huge.)

I’ve yet to achieve many items on the original list. Some have simply fallen off as my priorities have changed. I could also probably write a whole new 60-item list right now. But there are also many incredible things I have done in addition to the list, because I pursue life and living. I will continue to do so.

This quote has a double meaning to me: “I’d rather look back at my life and say “I can’t believe I did that” instead of saying “I wish I did that.” Yes, we should live our lives and do the things we wish to, so that we don’t die with regret. BUT we must also appreciate the things we’ve done so that we die with gratitude for our experiences, rather than lament the things we didn’t get a chance to do.

And that is why I intend to keep reverse bucket lists… so that I never forget how fortunate and full my life has been.

What items are on your reverse bucket list? What have you done that continues to bring you gratitude and joy? I’d love to hear from you.

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I heard the enthusiastic “Hello!” over the music coming through my headphones and looked around. One of my neighbors waved from across the street. I slipped the buds from my ears and shouted a greeting back. I was nearly done with my regular 3 mile walk, a few houses from home.

“Do you walk often?” she yelled.

I crossed the street to her front yard. “Fairly regularly.”

“I want to walk. Can I walk with you?” she asked.

I had been waving to this woman while walking Cooper since I’d moved in a year ago. “Sure. How about tomorrow morning? Is six too early?”

“That’s perfect!”

“Okay, see you tomorrow at six!”

I went home and told Mike I had a date to walk with the neighbor in the big white house up the street.

“Cool, what’s her name?” he asked.

“No idea.”

I’m not certain that’s exactly how the conversation went, but it’s damn close. And we really didn’t exchange names until the following morning at six am.

I love this story. You see, that’s how me and my very good friend, April met several years ago. All because she put herself out there by approaching a stranger, and because I reciprocated. We both took a chance that day. And I am so very glad that we did. Because now she is one of my closest friends!

The truth is that you just never know what will happen unless you try. Based on April’s family’s comings and goings (their cars must whizz past our house a dozen times a day) it would be easy to assume she was far too busy for a new friend. Or because she has children and I do not, either one of us could have assumed we wouldn’t have much in common. But it didn’t matter. She wanted to walk and saw me walking. That was the spark that set things in motion.

And all you need is one little spark. A shared commute, a flirtatious glance, children in the same class, someone who works in the same building, the handsome man in your Saturday morning yoga class, a friendly neighbor… The world is overflowing with possible human connections. All it takes is a little courage to put yourself out there, a smile and a friendly greeting. After that, see where it goes. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

In mine and April’s case, sure, I could have said, “No, I walk alone” in a very villainy accent. Or we could have gone for a walk and the conversation may have been awkward or we’d discover one or the other wasn’t a nice person and we wouldn’t make plans to walk again. The worst that could have happened is that our lives stayed the same, no better no worse.

Instead, we hit it off splendidly! We would walk well over a hundred miles together over the ensuing years. Mike and April’s husband have become close friends and we adore their children. They have a key to our house and have helped with Cooper when we’re away. They are our wonderful friends, our closest “family” within a 70 minute drive, and we are incredibly grateful to have them in our lives.

Look around you. Another friend or future date might be sitting on the bar stool across from you, live down the street, frequent your gym, or make your weekend smoothie. You won’t know until you put yourself out there.

April did. And I am so damn glad she did.

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Ever since I started a daily journaling practice nearly two years ago I have felt significantly happier and more fulfilled. As a culture, we tend to live for the highlights of life and dwell on the lowlights. The mundane day to day blurs together in one long loop where we don’t recall what we wore or what we ate. But what if we could train our brains to reflect and find joy in every day, to live with more gratitude, and overall live with greater intention? Well, the truth is that we CAN by journaling. With only a few minutes of writing time a day, we can all feel more fulfilled, grateful and happier, which are only some of the benefits of a daily journaling practice. Following are the four components of my daily practice, which I included in the journal I created: Questions For Life: Two Year Daily Guided Journal for Intentional Living, available for sale now.

The Four Components of my Daily Practice:

Daily Reflection

I love the quote, “Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.” That quote literally stopped me in my tracks the first time I read it. I vowed right then and there that I would not live the same year over and over for the rest of my life. So I purchased a 5-year journal with just enough space to jot down a few lines about each day; whatever I deemed significant or worthy of remembrance. Never once has there been nothing to write because life, thoughts, conversations, actions, news, weather, EVERYTHING happens every single day. Through the simple practice of writing down a few lines about each day, I was comforted within days. It was quite clear I was not living the same day over and over.

Now that I’m in my second year of that 5-year journal I love reflecting back on what I did that same day the year before. It’s been so lovely being reminded of things I’ve forgotten that maybe weren’t so significant. Additionally, I love reflecting on progress and changes I’ve made. Just the other day I read for 2015: Had my first “freak out” in a long time. It’s the f***ing cigarettes. I CAN’T smoke even once in a while!

How amazing to be able to follow that up the same day the following year with: I’m 113 days cigarette-free!

This is what I love about comparative journals, which is specifically why Questions For Life is to be used for two years.

Gratitude

Numerous studies show that a daily gratitude practice directly correlates to increased happiness. The rationale is simple: when you express gratitude, you focus on the positive aspects of your life and what you do have, rather than the negative aspects and what you don’t have. I express gratitude every single day. It’s become a habit. Even when I’m angry or annoyed, gratitude has become such a part of my life that I can often stop and change my mindset. For example, is work pissing you off? Well, be grateful you have a job. It can always be worse.

There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, even if it’s fresh water or access to food. Even if you are having the worst day of your life, you can still be grateful to be alive.

Happiest Moments

Another practice of mine is to write down my single happiest moment from every day. This is not so easy on bad days, believe me. But how incredible when you witness with your own eyes that every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day. Even when I had pneumonia last month I was able to identify my happiest moments (mostly along the lines of wishing something good was on television and seeing that one of my favorite movies just started – that kind of joy.) Not everything is off the charts amazing, but there is joy in every day, even if it’s seeing a puppy on the street, finding a $5.00 bill, or laughing at a good joke.

Think of how much more fulfilling life can be if we paid more attention to the simple joys in life. This practice trains you to notice and acknowledge those happy moments.

Self-Discovery Questions

Another journal I purchased some time ago was a 5-year question a day journal where I answered a different question every day and compared my answers year to year. The questions in this particular journal were random. Some were wonderful and some were just silly, but I enjoyed the concept and found it beneficial. So when I created Questions For Life, I wrote 366 questions focused around goal setting, creativity, relationships, awareness, reflection, and other topics along those lines. Answering questions about our lives, actions, dreams, etc. makes us more self-aware and conscious of the kind of life we want to be living, and whether or not we’re taking the steps to achieve it.

Answering the questions also makes us more accountable. For example, “Did you make good use of your time today?” is a simple question you will find in Questions For Life that can quickly help you realize how you’re not living to your full potential, and where adjustments can be made. Some other questions include: “How can you be a better son/daughter?”; “What risk would you take if you knew you couldn’t fail?”; “Is your life complicated by unnecessary things?”; “Who could you pay more attention to?”; and “Have you ever invested in yourself financially?”

These are only four of the countless ways to approach a daily journaling practice. However, I found that these four components have had a tremendously positive effect on my life and outlook. I also found that keeping a journal with these components is easy and realistic since it doesn’t require a lot of time. Additionally, these components ultimately to help slow life down and break our habit of living highlight to highlight. This results in a fuller, and more fulfilling, life.

You can win a copy of Questions For Life!

Although you don’t need a copy of Questions For Life to begin your practice, it certainly is easier to have a beautifully designed journal complete with monthly motivational quotes ready to go. I am so certain you’ll love it that I am giving away three free copies!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

So please, enter for a chance to win and start your own daily journaling practice!