Back in 2016, incredibly tired and frustrated from not knowing how to deal with toxic people, I wrote a post titled “11 Quotes to Remember When Faced with Toxic People.” Gathering those quotes was a desperate attempt to help myself stop taking things someone said and did so personally. The quotes helped me to remember that I was not the problem. They helped me to remember that I should have compassion for this person who was so obviously in tremendous emotional pain. Most of all, they helped me stop giving this person so much mental and emotional energy…

…sometimes. A little… maybe.

No quote in the world could help when this toxic person was in my face hurling insults while simultaneously making demands. During times like those the only words going through my mind were of the four letter variety.

I know many of you can relate, unfortunately. My post with all those lovely quotes recently recirculated around Pinterest and has since been shared over 38,000 times. Many of you subscribed to hear more from me. To you I say welcome and thank you!

Considering so many of you are clearly dealing with toxic people of your own (and looking for positive coping tools), I wondered if perhaps there was anything I could add that might help.

Let me first clarify that it should go without saying that the kind of toxic people I’m talking about here are the ones you’re sort of stuck with. If an acquaintance or boyfriend or friend or distant cousin is toxic then kick ’em to the curb. There’s zero reason to put up with that shit. The people I’m talking about are the ones our lives are entwined with — close family members, in-laws, etc. — the ones that never seeing again would require greater pain to a larger familial unit.

So anyway, it turns out I do have something to add on the subject of how to deal with toxic people. You see, my relationship with one of the toxic people in my life changed dramatically. Death does that.

Yes, she passed away.

We were on good terms when she died, thankfully. I had learned to better cope with her over the past couple years. If I have any regrets, it’s that I didn’t learn sooner how to set healthy boundaries and not give her so much space in my mind.

I don’t need to go gather quotes from other people this time to share advice on how to deal with toxic people. I know from my own personal experience.

How to Deal with Toxic People: 7 More Important Things to Remember

1. Remember the source

The people walking around battling with everyone closest to them are fighting a much bigger battle with themselves. Trust me, this is something I know A LOT about. People who aren’t happy with themselves can never be happy with you. And if you are happy, you better believe they will resent you even more for it. We are all mirrors for one another. We see in others what we hate in ourselves and we will do anything to make it about the other person. That’s projection, and it’s what we do to protect ourselves.

So remember, the source of someone’s anger is often themselves.

2. Work towards setting healthy boundaries

This, my friends, may take a while. If you slap down concrete boundaries you better believe the toxic people in your life are going to raise all hell and fire every weapon they have in their arsenal to break them down. I learned this the hard way. Please don’t make my mistake.

For example, you probably shouldn’t say, “You call too much. For now on I will call you once a week. Don’t call me.” I think it’s safe to say that’s not going to go over very well. (I never even tried something that brazen.)

The trick here, from my personal experience, is to slowly lay down boundaries. Start innocuously. For you that may be not answering the phone and not returning the call until tomorrow (gasp!). I cannot stress to you enough that this is PERFECTLY NORMAL BEHAVIOR. You do not need to sit and imagine every single nasty thing the caller is saying about you. You don’t need to wrestle with calling or not calling back and work yourself into such a state that you have a full blown anxiety attack. I’m going to tell you what I wish someone had told me: you can let it go to voicemail and not give it another second’s thought!

I spent the past several years laying down boundaries that I adjusted and reinforced gradually over time. For the most part, it worked. Life became more peaceful and the relationship less stressful. Sometimes I gave in to a false sense of security and lifted a boundary only to learn the hard way and need to lay it back down. Sometimes I just ignored the boundaries and allowed things because it felt like the right thing to do.

In my opinion, boundaries cannot be set in stone. Consistency is key, especially in the beginning when your boundaries are most likely to be challenged. But use your judgement and trust yourself and make adjustments, as necessary.

3. Send loving kindness

This is a tough, but incredibly powerful gift to give not only toxic people, but to everyone, including yourself. Loving kindness is (in summary) unconditional, inclusive love — it does not depend on whether one “deserves” it or not and it is not restricted to friends and family. Most importantly, there are no expectations of anything in return.

There are several variations of loving kindness or “metta” meditation (Google it for variations). Following is the version I use. You can insert any person’s name, “I,” “my friends,” “my family,” “all living beings,” etc.

May ______ be well, happy and peaceful.
May no harm come to them.
May no difficulties come to them.
May no problems come to them.
May they always meet with success.
May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life.

It is a beautiful and compassionate practice.

4. Have compassion

I can honestly tell you that sitting here today I understand why the person who caused so much anguish was the way she was. I also understand why her love was so conditional. I understand a great deal of why she felt the way she did, thought the way she did, and behaved the way she did. And this is why I carry no anger or resentment.

Not everyone will have the opportunity to go behind the curtain and discover the backstory. But let me tell you, we ALL have an origins story. People who cause pain are in pain. And if you can remember that, then there is room for compassion.

5. Don’t place blame on innocent people

If the person driving you nuts is your brother’s wife, don’t blame your brother for bringing her into your lives. I know you want to direct your anger somewhere. You want to tell him what to do to keep that bitch in line. You want him to defend you against her. But please, try not to place blame. Again, I speak from experience as the blame-placer.

I’m willing to bet your brother already feels awful about the whole situation. Don’t add to that by making him feel guilty and putting him between a rock and a hard place. It’s a shitty situation for everyone.

You’re much better off doing these other things instead (and supporting your brother who probably really needs you right now.)

6. Remember that you are NOT powerless

It is extremely important that I tell you that there are times when there is more power in doing nothing than something.

I can still feel the physical sensation of the frustration and rage I experienced when I felt silenced and powerless to defend myself against toxic people. I wanted to scream and argue, anything to get my point across! And I see now that was what frustrated me most — that I couldn’t get my point across. I was dealing with someone who said whatever she wanted then hung up or threw you out of her house before you could get one word in. (And in case you’re thinking it, of course I tried emails!)

But let me ask you. Have any of you ever successfully gotten your point across to this kind of toxic person?

Of course not! Because if they listened they wouldn’t be a toxic person! And this is what I wish I had learned a long time ago. I wasn’t powerless in those situations. I confused not being able to speak with being powerless. I wouldn’t have been heard either way.

And eventually I learned to be quiet because being quiet was disarming. And in disarming I found that I was more powerful and avoided unnecessary anguish.

7. Forgive

Even if you remember all of these things, you will sometimes find yourself feeling hurt and angry at the hands (and tongues) of toxic people. You may also find yourself feeling angry with yourself for not handling things better. And at times like that, I hope you will remember to practice forgiveness.

Rather than try to articulate my thoughts on this subject, I will leave you with this Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness.

If I have harmed any one in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask their forgiveness.

If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them.

And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that.

For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge, or be unkind to myself through my own confusions, I forgive myself.

Thank you for reading.

I have journaled every single day for the past two years. I’ve written a little bit about my day, including my happiest moment and what made me feel grateful, for the past 730 days. I had wanted one journal to track all of these things. I also wanted to be able to easily reflect on entries from the year before. Unable to find such a journal, I created and published Questions for Life back in 2016. I also added a daily self-discovery question to inspire reflection and personal growth. I love this journal and how easy it is to commit to using since each entry only takes a few minutes. After 730 daily entries, some things have become abundantly clear. Here’s my lessons learned from two years of daily journaling:

1. There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Every day is not amazing. Some days simply just “are.” And some days seem full of disappointment, sorrow, or pain. But regardless, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for because at the very least we have access to food and water and shelter. We can be grateful our loved ones are safe, even when we’re feeling unsafe. And if the day truly seems awful, we can be grateful that no day goes on forever.

The more I wrote down what made me feel grateful, the more I realized just how very much I have to be grateful for.

2. Life is fuller when you appreciate (and look back on) the mundane, rather than just the highlight reel.

People typically have a bad habit of only focusing on the highlights (and lowlights) of their lives. The majority of our days are fairly mundane, however, and it’s up to us to recognize the good stuff. My journal is full of happiest moments comprised of lunchtime walks with my best friend Kathy, enjoying delicious meals, laughing with my gaming friends on Tuesday nights, reading under a blanket on cold Sunday mornings, cuddling with our beloved dog Cooper, date nights with my husband Mike, the satisfaction of productive days, playing in the snow with the neighborhood children, even simply sitting down on the couch on a Friday night after a long week just as a favorite movie is starting on television.

These things may not be worth writing home about, but they were worth noting as my happiest moments, and increase my quality of life. During my second year of journaling I really enjoyed reading what I had written the year before and reliving those happy moments.

3. You may not feel “happiness” every single day, but at the very least you will have reason to smile, laugh, or experience a positive emotion.

Did you ever see the Pixar movie Inside Out? Joy didn’t want any of Riley’s days to be tainted by sadness. In the end, it became clear that happiness and sadness sometimes swirl together, and it’s a beautiful thing. No one day is 100% happy or 100% sad.

For example, I am saddened to share that my mother-in-law, Rose passed away on Thanksgiving. Mike and I were across the country in Washington state. We were shocked and devastated and felt so terribly far from home and Mike’s father and brother. But we were in Washington with my brother and sister-in-law and it was Thanksgiving. And so we celebrated Thanksgiving while we mourned. And that night my brother had friends over for dessert and games and we laughed… a lot.

There have also been bad days when I didn’t get to be with family and play games, but I was able to identify a positive moment, even if it was the relief and comfort of curling up with Cooper under a thick blanket at the end of the day.

2018 Summary

2018 was a tough year full of trials, depression and an intentional writing hiatus that both helped and hurt. Cooper was diagnosed with renal cancer and we had to have one of his kidneys removed. I landed in a hospital this past September with the worst pain imaginable. It was a kidney stone stuck in my ureter. It took nearly 10 hours from when I initially felt the excruciating pain in my back until it finally subsided. Following my hospital stay, I had complications with fluid retention and was put through a myriad of testing. Mike’s mom was sick with Leukemia. We cancelled our trip to Hawaii (we would have left for Oahu today) that I planned last January. There are other things I could mention, but I don’t feel the need. I managed to find a happy or positive moment in all of it, and of course things to be grateful for.

Despite all the trials, there were good days. A trip to a water park, a quick family vacation with Cooper after he recovered, a wonderful joint surprise birthday for my mother-in-law and her brother less than a month before she died…

I take the good with the bad and I’m grateful for all of it and my ability to find the positive in every single day.

Looking Ahead to 2019

Everything that’s happened has brought me to this moment. I’ve been working on this post for two weeks now, but I’m just happy to be writing again. There will hopefully be more of that in 2019, especially since it’s been made clear to me that I’m not done writing, after all. I’ll be playing #minsgame again in January and have already prepped my home office for a new desk coming today. I’m nesting and preparing for a fresh start, and that includes goal and intention setting (of course.)

I have always believed that many things happen for a valid reason and at the right time. The past few months has reiterated that time and time again. Without going into detail, I will say that there has been a lot of synchronicity in my life leading up to the end of 2018, which has put things in motion for an exciting start to 2019.

I wish you all a Happy New Year and a 2019 full of gratitude and happy moments! Thank you for reading.

Looking to increase your quality of life in 2019? May I suggest a daily journaling practice with Questions For Life? It is available on Amazon.

Another new year, another month playing The Minimalists 30-Day Minimalism Game (#minsgame).  Once again, we successfully rid ourselves and our home of 496 items. Every year the challenge gets simultaneously harder, and also easier. It’s an interesting mix because on one hand, we have less excess in our home to round up. But on the other hand, we get better at letting things go, and become more practical when it comes to what we need and will use. For example, despite having taken several passes over the years at minimizing my jewelry, I got rid of over 75 more pieces this challenge. Every year I learn something new. Here are three more things winning #minsgame taught me.

1. Just because something isn’t hurting, doesn’t mean it’s helping. 

“It isn’t hurting anyone,” is a terrible argument for keeping crap you don’t need. Sure, some extra stuff in a drawer here or a cabinet there may not be hurting anything. Maybe you don’t need the space and it all seems under control. But although it may not be hurting, is it helping? This became my motto this past #minsgame, especially when Mike asked if playing again was even necessary. Nothing we got rid of was hurting us, but none of it was helping us, either. In fact, after creating even more space, I’d say we helped ourselves.

2. I can part with sentimental items. 

I only collect two things: decorative pumpkins and Christmas ornaments. The ornaments in particular have a great deal of sentimental attachment tied to them. Almost all of them have the name of the giver on the back along with the year they gave it. If purchased, I know where and under what circumstances. Each one tells a story. I have one from my mother for every Christmas since I was born, including my “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament from 1982, as well as one from Mike for every year we’ve been together, not to mention countless other sentimental ornaments from friends, ex-boyfriends, places we’ve visited, and family members.

But as I decorated the tree this past December, selecting my favorite ornaments, it became clear we have enough for three full-size Christmas trees. I knew then that when we took down the tree I would undertake the arduous task of unwrapping and sorting every single ornament into yes, no and maybe piles.

The idea of not having a “complete set” of ornaments from Mike or my mom always seemed horrible. But I realized that was the only reason I kept some of them. Some were shabby and some I plain just didn’t like. Was having a complete set really necessary? Would breaking up the set mean something?

I held up an ornament of two glass angel carolers with “gold” halos. “See this?” I asked Mike.

“Yes?”

“I hate this ornament. Do you know who gave it to me?”

“No idea.”

“It was you!” I said with a laugh at the absurdity of my feeling obligated to keep something the giver didn’t even recall giving. “Every time I look at it it reminds me how clearly you forgot to get me an ornament so must have gone to CVS or something at the zero hour and this was all that was left. That’s the only explanation for why you would get me this ornament.”

Mike laughed, confirming my theory.

“I’m getting rid of it.”

Once I had the maybe pile I called Mike in to double check them. There wasn’t one he felt we should keep, even some from the first Christmas we were married when it seems everyone we knew gave us a similar ornament. Not surprisingly, tossing those ornaments has had no impact on the validity of our marriage.

In the end, we got rid of 53 ornaments, freeing up a lot of space. I’m excited to know that every ornament I reach for next year is one I want on my tree.

3. We can and should be vigilant about what we keep in our homes.

Every January we play #minsgame in addition to one or two good purges throughout the year. There is ALWAYS something to get rid of. Things get shabby over time. Some things also lose their significance over time and lose their hold on us, which is why an annual reevaluation is so helpful.

Take for example the coffee table we got rid of on January 1. It was the table I grew up with. I rescued it from my mother’s curb last year, horrified and angry that she’d dispose of it so unceremoniously. I cried. For real tears. So I took it home where it sat unceremoniously in my basement. After a few months I realized how silly it was to keep since we had no use for it and we let it go. The wonderful memories of that table (of which there are MANY) will live in my heart.

Much like weight, “stuff” creeps up on you when you’re not paying attention. That’s how I found myself this past January with a two foot pile of magazines waiting to be read. If it weren’t for my looking for things to win the challenge, they would have sat unread and been buried by two more feet of magazines. Things pile up! Papers, decorations, clothes, clutter, CRAP. So we need to be vigilant… about clearing clutter when it’s manageable and straightening up regularly. That is the only way to end the vicious cycle of cleaning out and cleaning up. Life is too short to spend entire weekends cleaning out closets and spare rooms. 

Minimalism isn’t new to us. It’s become our way of life over the years and we have learned a lot. We’re still learning. But it’s easier now. Cleaning up takes us hardly any time at all. Eventually, playing #minsgame won’t be necessary, nor will the annual purges. But that’s because we’re vigilant about maintaining this lifestyle and expanding on it.

Is minimalism still new to you? I suggest you read my 8 Healthy Habits for Living A Minimalist Lifestyle.

Another year has gone. One of my greatest fears is living the same year over and over and calling it life. To ensure I’m not doing that, I prioritize year end reflection to evaluate how I did on my goals, and contemplate the year’s highlights, successes, and the new experiences it provided. I try not to take life for granted. Taking time to reflect helps me to better appreciate the year behind me, acknowledge my growth and successes, and express gratitude for it all. It also helps me to assess where I fell short and what I want out of the year ahead. And now that 2017 is behind us, here’s my year in review.

2017 Year End Reflection Highlights:

1. New Travel Experience: Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Mike and I traveled to Punta Cana this past March for our friend’s 40th birthday. That was not only a beautiful and incredible experience overall, but it also provided a wonderful exercise in letting go when we got stuck there a few extra days due to bad weather back home. Travel is important to me and I’m glad we went and had this luxurious experience. The trip yielded two blog posts if you’d like to read more about it:

Stuck in Punta Cana: An Exercise in Letting Go and

Jumping in at Hoyo Azul Cenote in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

2. Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching Certification

In April I attended an Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching Certification course. Over the next few months I completed my coursework and practicum. In July I received my official certification. This course was worth every penny. I learned so many useful tools not only to help myself maintain well being and balance in my own life, but also how to help others do the same. Although other priorities have still been my focus, I am available for coaching. I’m not sure where this will take me yet, but I’m grateful for the tools and knowledge I acquired through this process.

3. Renewed Relationships

2017 saw the return of my father (and his family) into my life. I truly believe that things happen when we are ready, and when they are meant to. I’ve done a lot of work letting go, forgiving, and opening my heart. Once my heart was open, opportunities just seemed to present themselves. I seized those opportunities and was rewarded with the return of family. I am incredibly grateful for this.

4. New Job

After thirteen years in non-profit, including six years at my most recent position, I made the shift to corporate. I left my job and took a position as Marketing Operations Manager in November. Changing jobs was not one of my 2017 goals, but again, opportunities presented themselves and I went for them. When they didn’t work out, I learned from them and went after more. I found a wonderful new job and am incredibly happy and grateful for this shift in my career. I’m also proud of myself for being open to a major change and pursuing it.

5. Weight Loss

I kicked off 2017 with a weight loss challenge to lose forty pounds in six months. It was the hardest damn thing I ever did in my life, but I did it. Yes, I lost 40 pounds in six months.

Unfortunately I’ve gained a bit of it (okay, a lot of it) back. But my weight loss still belongs on this list because it consumed six months of my year and was a tremendous accomplishment. And I am happy to report that I’m ending 2017 weighing less than I did when it started. Therefore, goal achieved.

6. Major Minimizing

I’ve been minimizing my possessions and embracing a more minimalist lifestyle for just under three years now. It’s definitely something that progresses in stages. This past year I minimized my already pared down wardrobe by more than half!  You can read more about that here. Minimalism continues to be a way of life for me. In fact, I’m playing #minsgame again starting January 1! And if you’d like to join me in playing, please post your photos on social media using #minsgamewithjw in your posts.

7. Not One Cigarette

I quit smoking July 23, 2016 and haven’t touched another cigarette since. Not when I was out socializing, not drunk in Punta Cana… NOT ONE CIGARETTE. Although reaching my one year anniversary on July 23 was very cool, I think it’s even cooler to say for the first time in over fifteen years: I DIDN’T SMOKE THIS YEAR! I have not one single experience associated with smoking in 2017. I’m proud of myself for that.

2017 Reflection:

Thanks to year end reflection I think it’s safe to say that 2017 was a good year. It definitely wasn’t the same as the years before it! I traveled, lost weight, was smoke-free, changed jobs, learned a lot, and rekindled relationships with estranged family. I can go to bed on New Year’s Eve with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

2017 Goal Analysis:

But how’d I do on my 2017 goals? Well, let’s see, shall we? Here they are:

1. Pay off three specific debts.

I paid off two of the three! The third I reduced only by $447.05. (2018 is going to be a big year for finances so stay tuned for more on that.)

2. Complete the first draft of my fiction novel.

I knew this was a bold goal. I didn’t even come close to achieving this. HOWEVER, I did make progress. And I do have some momentum heading into 2018. You will see this goal again. I refuse to give up on it. But I’ve adjusted my approach to accomplishing how I achieve it. Clearly, what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working.

3. Establish a healthy morning routine, and maintain it consistently.

I didn’t get up at 5 am every weekday, but I’d say I did wake up early more days than not. Therefore, I deem this goal a success. I rarely used the extra time to work out, but I did sit in my office, enjoy my coffee, plan for the day ahead, journal, read, etc. I enjoy my leisurely mornings. Overall, I have felt more organized and less stressed as a result of waking up earlier. This goal won’t need repeating because after a year, waking up early is just something I do most days naturally now.

4. Drastically reduce the amount of time I spend on Facebook/social media.

Turning off notifications on my phone was one of the smartest things I did this year. This drastically reduced how often I check in on social media. I still find myself scrolling my way down rabbit holes at times, but it’s not as often. Regardless, I’ve learned I’m not missing anything. It’s still fun and I’m not about to quit social media, but I can certainly cut back even more. That will require mindfulness to catch myself because I swear sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

5. Continue setting New Moon Intentions each moon cycle with specific 29 day goals.

I’ve benefited from and enjoyed being more in sync with lunar cycles. I set new moon intentions almost every moon cycle. I can’t say how much it has improved my productivity, but it has improved my sense of connectedness to the Universe. For me, moon ritual is spiritual. My natural rhythm better matches the moon’s, and so this is what works for me.

6. Lose weight

For the third consecutive year I am completing the year weighing less than when it began. You already know I lost forty pounds this past year, but I also gained almost all of it back. But the goal was to lose weight. And I did that. You’ll see a version of this goal among my 2018 goals, but a bit different… stay tuned.

I’ve been saying all year that 2017 was a good year. Thanks to year end reflection, I can see with certainty that I was correct. Sure, there were rough spots and losses, but what would be the point in writing about those? When you focus on the positive, life is positive. It’s that simple. And I can see that I had one hell of a positive year.

Now it’s my favorite time of year! It’s time to plan for 2018! Stay tuned for my 2018 goals coming on December 31. Thanks so much for reading. I wish you all a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

What about you? What are some of your 2017 highlights? How did you do with your goals? I’d love to hear from you!

Can you believe it’s gift-giving season already! With Thanksgiving days away, the holidays are officially on most people’s minds. To make everyone’s life a tad easier (including my own), I created another gift guide. But this year I’m focusing even more on practical holiday gift ideas. Shopping for everyone on your list isn’t easy, nor is giving people ideas for yourself. These gifts are carefully curated with minimalism and practicality in mind. Keep reading for plenty of ideas to get the gift-giving job done!

For the Home/Office:

1. Custom T-shirt Quilt

Is your partner or child downsizing but still can’t stand to part with their collection of college, band or concert tees? Send the shirts off to be repurposed into a useful custom quilt carefully crafted by designers, cutters, and sewers earning a fair and living wage in the United States.

My friends, Dani and Roman have two of these quilts and they are so soft and fun! Mike and I are having one made from all the brewery t-shirts we’ve collected over the years.

Starting at $74.99 for a 4′ X 4′ quilt from Project Repat.

2. Zafu Meditation Cushion

Meditation doesn’t require any tools or props, but for the serious practitioner, a zafu certainly helps. I have one of these cushions, as well as a zabuton pillow. They pair beautifully if your gift-buying budget is a bit higher, but I have given zafus as gifts by themselves. A very thoughtful gift for the person in your life trying to live more mindfully and peacefully.

“Zafu meditation cushions provide height under your pelvis for healthy posture. Ours are filled with organic buckwheat hulls that form to your contours. They are also covered with sturdy, beautiful, long-lasting upholstery-grade fabrics and include a convenient handle. Each one is handmade in the USA.”

$49.95 from Hugger Mugger

3. A Year of Gratitude elegant box set

“You can live a life of abundance, independent of any material things, if your heart is always filled with a spirit of gratitude. This elegant box set contains all you need for a head start on such a gracious way of living. Not only does it contain 52 thank you cards—one for each week in the year—but it also has tips for writing meaningful thank you notes, and a guided journal for you to record your experiences. Maybe over this year you will reconnect with someone from your past, or brighten the day of someone who feels taken for granted. With gratitude in your heart, such exchanges can be seen for what they truly are—small miracles.”

$30.00 from Uncommon Goods

4. Random Acts of Kindness Kits (original, teen and family versions)

“Change the world in four easy steps with these intentional act of kindness kits. With the 26 cards in each, you’ll find yourself picking up someone else’s tab at a restaurant, writing a letter to someone who inspired you, picking up the trash on your street, giving genuine compliments and so much more! The coolest thing about Boom Boom! cards is that you can create a chain reaction of covert kindness that could theoretically travel around the world!”

$10.00 – $15.00 from Uncommon Goods

For the Book Lover:

5. Questions For Life: Two Year Guided Daily Journal For Intentional Living

This is the journal I created and use personally every single day.

With The Questions For Life two-year guided journal you can reflect, express gratitude, capture your happiest moment, and answer a self-discovery question in only minutes a day. Get in the habit of slowing down and reflecting on each day while getting to know yourself better. Soon you’ll be enjoying the simpler things in everyday life, living more intentionally, and feeling happier! See firsthand that although every day may not be good, there is good in every day.

Click here to learn more and read a review.

$18.99 from Amazon

6. The Gifts of Imperfection

I had the privilege of hearing Brené Brown speak this year and she is so inspiring! This book is on my personal Christmas list.

“In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, a leading expert on shame, authenticity, and belonging, shares ten guideposts on the power of Wholehearted living—a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.”

$8.59 from Amazon

For the Fashionable

7. Real Now watch

“The Real Now Watch is our only piece that tells the time and functions as a mindfulness tool that reminds you to be here now. Made from recycled eco-friendly materials.”

$33.33 from Etsy

8. Craft Beer & Yoga tee

Love yoga AND craft beer? I know I do.

“Yoga at craft breweries has been popping up all over. Go in style with this craft beer-themed yoga shirt!”

$20.00 from Hopcloth

9. Elephant Lounger Pants

I love these pants so much, I had to include them again, but in a different style.

“You and Elephants both need some downtime. With a drawstring waist, back and side pockets, and a relaxed leg, these unisex pants are built for relaxation.”

$24.00 from Elephant Pants and a portion of their proceeds are donated to help save elephants!

For the Minimalist (or person who has everything)

10. World Vision Charitable Gift

Help children and families in need in your gift recipient’s honor. So many options to choose from including bed nets, goats, solar lanterns, shelter, clothing, water wells and so much more. Give a gift. Change a life.

Options starting as low as $16.00 through World Vision

11. Personal organization Voucher

Okay so maybe this one’s for the budding minimalist. We all know someone with too much stuff who doesn’t need anything except for some help getting organized. Why not give them the gift of your time and services. Help a parent, sibling, or close friend clean out some closets or rooms. Give them the gift of your time, presence, and peace of mind. It costs you nothing and goes a very long way.

12. Presence is the Perfect Present

Instead of a gift, give of yourself and your time. Make plans and share some quality time with a loved one. I guarantee you it will be more appreciated and better remembered than a sweater or a gift card.

13. Consumables

You can never go wrong with good wine, craft beer, or coffee (assuming the gift recipient drinks wine, beer and/or coffee.) Consumables, especially high-quality ones, are practical gifts that people don’t often splurge on for themselves.

14. Meal Delivery Service

Home-cooked meals make awesome gifts, but are difficult to coordinate. Instead, why not give a Blue Apron or Hello Fresh meal delivery service gift card? Mike and I have tried both and really enjoyed them! The recipients (think busy couples and families in your life) can redeem it on their schedule and choose the menu they want. All the ingredients are delivered fresh to their door with the recipes enclosed. Ensure your friends and family are eating well… at least for a few days.

Gift card options start at $60.00.

15. A Groupon or Living Social deal for a spa service

Facials, massages and the like are wonderful indulgences we can’t all afford. Check out Groupon and Living Social for deeply discounted deals in your loved ones area and buy them a service they wouldn’t buy themselves.

16. A baby or pet-sitting voucher

Who doesn’t love a night out knowing the kids are alright? Offer to spend some quality time with the kids (or pets) so your loved one/s can get some time away knowing their little ones are in excellent hands.

For the Pups

17. Homemade dog treats

We have A LOT of dogs in our life and were spending a fortune buying gifts for all of them. This year, I’m making homemade dog treats for all my four-legged brothers, nieces, nephews, etc.

Here’s a link to Pinterest’s “homemade dog treats” search results. Save some money and control the ingredients yourself to ensure a healthy and delicious treat. I think I’m going to try making the peanut butter pumpkin ones first!

Need more ideas? Check out last year’s Mindful Holiday Gift Guide featuring sixteen great gifts under $50!

I hope these lists help you cross some items off your list! Wishing you a happy, mindful, and low-stress start to the holiday season!

I wrote one blog post in October. Surely someone other than my Mom noticed that? I started a draft of this post back in June. It reads “June was hard on me.” Unfortunately so was July. And August. And September. And October. I shared some of that in my last post, Stress Sucks, where I also confessed I had gained back twenty of the forty pounds I lost this year. I had high hopes that this week off would finally mark the end of a five month run of stress. It almost didn’t. But thankfully I realized my staycation mistakes early on with the help of my counselor, and finally gave myself permission to take it easy before I start my new job.

Staycation Mistakes

Mistake #1: Attempting to add too much structure to the unstructured

Before the start of vacation I began scheduling my time off in what I now realize was an attempt to add structure to the unstructured. I filled my calendar with to-dos and all the yoga and exercise classes I wanted to take.

But then my calendar became overwhelming. I struggled between what I thought I should be doing (going to yoga) and what I wanted to do (have slow mornings in my pajamas with lots of coffee and reading.)

“You are a very structured person,” my counselor said. “Structured people struggle with unstructured time, which is why they often can’t wait to get back into a routine. But this is your vacation.”

I realized I could do with a bit of unplanned time, so I stopped scheduling it all.

Mistake #2: Overly ambitious and unrealistic plans

I overwhelmed myself with ambitious and unrealistic plans. These plans included working out every day, eating perfectly, writing every day, and completing about eight thousand million projects. Is it any wonder I started vacation with splitting headaches and wanting nothing more than to sleep? Guilt gnawed at me, like a hamster on a carrot. What I should be doing ran through my head on repeat and the headaches intensified.

“What are your MAIN priorities this week?” my counselor asked.

I considered them. “Eat healthy. Umm, exercise every day for at least 45 minutes, rest, get my clothes ready for my first week of work. Oh, and write!”

Eating perfectly was never going to happen and I should have known better than to even let that combination of words pass through my mind. I had so many social plans and meals out that it was impossible. Not to mention it was Halloween! So again, I eased up on myself.

Identifying my primary goals also helped me realize that I didn’t need to go to yoga most days, especially since my body wasn’t up for it. I walked around Philadelphia nearly five miles with my Dad on Thursday. That counts. So does hitting the treadmill in my basement while I watch an episode of Scandal. I’m doing what my body is up for. After all, I’m still sleeping twelve hours every night and recovering from whatever stress my body’s been under, which leads me to…

Mistake #3: Denying the magnitude of the transition

I truly don’t feel stressed or anxious about starting my new job. I have only felt stressed or anxious about wasting this week (see mistake #4).

But my counselor helped me realize that regardless, the transition is causing anxiety. This is a major life change. There are residual emotions over leaving my previous job and there are many unknowns about the new job. I haven’t noticed because I’ve gotten skilled at staying in the present, but obviously, there are emotions lingering. It was a mistake to not acknowledge the magnitude of this life-changing transition. Once I did, that helped me to be more gentle with myself.

Mistake #4: Judging use of time

No one is productive all the time. I don’t care what they say. And personally, I don’t think that would be healthy. But I did go into this week thinking that binge-watching Stranger Things Season 2 was a waste of precious time. Anything that wasn’t writing, cleaning, prepping, cooking, producing was a waste of time. But once we identified my goals for the week, one of which is to rest, I realized there was a lot of time where I could do whatever I wanted.

So after counseling, I went home and watched Stranger Things over lunch. On Halloween, I ran my errands in the morning and then finished the season throughout the afternoon. Time wasted? No way. I enjoyed it.

So much of our stress is self-inflicted. Seriously. We put far too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves it’s ridiculous.

I was disappointed I only posted once last month. The need to write and get something up certainly gnawed at my mind. But I had nothing to say at the time, and the truth is that I had higher priorities. I gave myself permission to take the break to focus on other things. And frankly, I was exhausted all the time.

I try to live by example with this site, which is why I share so openly and honestly with you all. What kind of inspiration can I be if I start posting for the sake of posting and give myself a break down in the process?

Priorities shift as life shifts. And I’m doing my best to roll with it.

So I made some staycation mistakes. And I didn’t eat perfectly. I slept A LOT. I watched a lot of Netflix. Not much writing happened. But I DID have quality time with numerous people. And best of all, I finally feel better. The headaches are gone and I feel rested.

I’m ready for the next chapter.

Save

I received disappointing news last week. Since all my writing is inspired by my personal journey, I took this as an opportunity to coach myself on how to deal with disappointment. This post is as much for me as it is for you. And if you think I’ve left anything out, please let me know in the comments.

So anyway, yeah, I was disappointed. I had an exciting opportunity in the works. For over two months I struggled between being realistic and optimistic; not getting my hopes up and visualizing my desired outcome in order to help manifest it. In the end I decided to believe the opportunity was mine. I daydreamed, used words like “when” instead of “if.” I was confident.

Since I believed the opportunity was mine, the disappointment was magnified. It’s not just that I didn’t get something I wanted. I feel as though something was taken away from me.

So how to deal with disappointment? After all I’ve learned I can surely pass this exam. Here’s what I’m thinking:

1. Don’t take it personal

This is one of the Four Agreements in the aptly named book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that I recently finished reading.

“When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” – Ruiz

I won’t take personally not being chosen for this opportunity. There are countless reasons why I may not have been selected in the end and many of them may have nothing to do with me personally. I know this. And if it is something personal, like the sound of my voice for example, it’s still not personal. Because I also know that what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own preferences, their own dreams. And they are entitled to them. They have no bearing on me.

2. Don’t assign meaning or make assumptions

And in that vein, not being selected doesn’t mean I’m no good or not talented or not likeable. It doesn’t mean I’ll never be successful. I won’t make any assumptions regarding future opportunities based on this one disappointment.

3. Identify the blessings or silver linings

It’s not ideal, but look, I got a crash course on how to deal with disappointment and test all I’ve learned (and my next blog post, to boot). You take the good with the bad. I’m sure there are other blessings here I can’t possibly know. Maybe the opportunity wasn’t meant for me and I would have hated it. Maybe I dodged a bullet?

Regardless, I got really far in the process and garnered a lot of valuable experience.

4. Be grateful

Like I always say, there is always something to be grateful for. I am grateful to no longer be in limbo, waiting for a decision. That turned into a terrible distraction.

I am also grateful that although it feels like I lost something, I didn’t really. I am no worse than I was before this. For that I am grateful.

5. Remain optimistic

I won’t allow life’s disappointments to turn me into a cynical pessimist. I will remain optimistic.

6. Brush yourself off

I admit that after zoning out and feeling sorry for myself for an hour or so, I then ate a really big slice of chocolate cake. But then I did brush myself off! I got my bearings and drafted this blog post to help me process my disappointment.

7. Try, try again

Then I identified next steps and immediately tossed my hat back in the ring.

One dropped ball won’t have me swearing off the game of catch. I’ve caught (and dropped) many balls in my life. There will be more balls. And I’ll drop some.

But I have a feeling I’ll catch a really good one soon…

Have anything to add? Let me know in the comments.

Jessica is a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Click here to contact her for a free consultation.

Save

Hitting my June 30 weight loss goal took a lot out of me. Not one day after marking that accomplishment, other stressors and projects that required my attention consumed my last bit of energy. Once I made it through the remaining hurdles, I felt a well deserved break was in order. And so I took it easy and relaxed. And then three days after getting back on track, I got derailed by some sort of summer cold I’m still battling. Now half of July is gone. I haven’t gone to yoga in ages and haven’t hit my daily goal of 11,000 steps since July 2. I feel weak. I’ve been eating like crap. I can’t believe how quickly things went off track. I desperately need a reset and decided that today is the day for it. Luckily for me, I know exactly how to reset body and mind to get me feeling better.

Do you need a reset, too? Maybe you’re getting over being ill, or have been bogged down by anxiety and stress, or maybe just have been derailed by competing obligations? Whatever your reason for needing a reset, keep reading for seven simple ways to reset your body and mind to get you feeling better by bed time. They’re the exact things I’m doing today.

1. Drink water

Stop what you’re doing and go drink water. Seriously, stop. If your bottle of water is nearby, take a long chug. If it’s not, get up right now and fill a tall glass and drink it down. Water is crucial to our well being and many of us don’t get enough. My water consumption is one of the many things that suffers when I’m not on top of my game. So this morning I filled two 32 oz. bottles with water and the juice of two lemons. I drank both by 4:00 pm and will drink at least one more before bed.

In my opinion, drinking water is the simplest thing we can all do on a daily basis to help us feel better. Water flushes out toxins, aids digestion and increases regularity. It boosts the immune system, reduces headaches and improves skin complexion. And it generally helps you feel more energized. There is no acceptable reason whatsoever to deny yourself water. So please, do it for yourself.

2. Get some exercise

And I don’t mean next week. I mean today (or at least tomorrow if it’s already late in the day). Exercise is another excellent free thing that helps us to feel better almost instantly. I’ve hit my first exercise slump in ages and let me tell you, I feel awful; weak, irritable, fatigued. I am at the point of craving exercise.

With this nasty cough, I won’t go for a jog or even a walk (it’s far too humid). But I will finally do thirty minutes of light yoga to begin to ease my body back into a practice and loosen up my joints that have gotten used to the couch the past week.

For those of you who don’t exercise regularly, I know how hard it can be to begin. But it’s all you have to do. Just begin. Go for a ten minute walk if that’s all you feel you can do right now. Every little bit counts and will get those endorphins flowing.

3. Eat something nutritious

We’ve been eating a lot of takeout and junk lately in my house, largely because I haven’t felt well. When I don’t feel well, I seek easy comfort food even though it’s the worst thing for me.

Despite not feeling well, the thought of eating more junk makes me feel nauseous. And so I’m making the dinner I was too tired and ill to make yesterday. It’s a pasta dish with chicken loaded with mushrooms and asparagus with a bit of goat cheese melted throughout. I enjoy cooking very much and am excited to sit down at the table to “real” food.

No food in the house or no time to cook? Choose the lesser of the take-out evils. Maybe that’s a soup or salad from a fast food chain, or a turkey sub/hoagie from (insert beloved convenience store/deli here – mine is Wawa). It may require a little extra effort, but there are more options than greasy chinese, pizza or cheeseburgers. Find something good for you and your body will thank you for it.

3. Plan your food

Think about the rest of today and tomorrow, too. I know I have some cherries that have seen better days so I’ll mix them with some oats, yogurt, chia seeds, almond milk, raw almonds, and a drizzle of honey. Voila – cherry overnight oats for the next four days. I’ll also defrost some wheat bread for a peanut butter sandwich and maybe hard boil some eggs, and see what else I can dig up in order to prevent buying lunch.

Just see what you have and get creative. Or better yet, run to the store if you have time, but whip up a quick meal plan and list first.

No food and no time? Again, planning ahead can prevent you from making decisions you may later regret. When we’re hungry and irritable, we tend to get amnesia and find ourselves reaching for the most convenient source of energy. By planning ahead, you allow the space to remember better options like Panera, Chipotle (burrito bowl/salad), or even Whole Foods which has plenty of seating and a gorgeous prepared foods bar.

The point is not to wait until you’re hangry to think about what to eat.

4. Straighten up/get organized

I don’t know about you, but if my environment is cluttered, my mind is cluttered and I don’t function well. Take some time to straighten up and get organized. Throw in a load of wash if you need work clothes or towels, do the dishes… just get things to a less stressful level. You’re not aiming for immaculate – just orderly. And try to stay focused on the major living areas and surfaces. Other areas are not at all a priority. This is NOT the time to clean out the linen closet or medicine cabinet (unless you find yourself completely energized to do so!)

5. Make a to-do list

Getting back on the wagon usually means facing things you’ve neglected that require your attention. Free-write a to-do list. Just write down anything and everything you can think of whether you need to do it tomorrow or next month. Just get it from your head to the paper. You can re-order it later. The goal for now is simply to get it out of your head.

6. Ask yourself: What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

Now that you’ve drank your water, exercised, eaten something healthy, straightened up and made a to-do list, you should be feeling exponentially better in body and mind! Maybe it’s time to wash up for bed or call it a night and settle in for last night’s Game of Thrones premiere on the DVR. Awesome! You did great!

But if there’s still time or you want more, then ask yourself today (or tomorrow morning): What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

As for me, I would like to watch another episode of my current binge-watching pleasure, Vikings. But the truth is that I’ve been doing too much of that lately. I gave myself permission to take a break from blogging. But now the break’s over and getting back to work is what will make me feel better. And so instead of hanging out on the couch, I am at my desk writing this blog post.

Vikings isn’t going anywhere.

But if the most important thing you can do right now feels too big or overwhelming or is also the source of your stress (I’ve been there!), then please go on to the next question.

7. Ask yourself: What is one small step I can take right now to get the ball rolling?

Earlier this month I had to prepare for an important meeting. It was a significant source of stress for me and I completely procrastinated until I literally could not procrastinate anymore. Finally, with tears in my eyes, I just… began. First, I sat at my desk. Next, I turned on my computer. Third, I set my timer and committed to sixty minutes of effort. Next, I pulled out my notes, and so it went…

Thirty minutes in, problems began to resolve themselves, ideas came to me, and the preparation began to come together. The stress and anxiety melted away.

If all you can do right now is make a list or a phone call, write one email, or Google something, then that’s all you need do! Do that thing you identified and be proud of yourself for getting started.

To begin, just begin.

Not sure where to begin? Start at the beginning and go drink some water. It helps, I promise.

It’s no accident that this list of how to reset body and mind started with water, exercise and food. You can not begin to feel better in mind without first feeling better in body. The brain is a muscle and does not operate without the cooperation of the body. So do these things in order and you will be on your way to feeling better in no time.

What would you add to this list? I’d love to hear from you.

Save

Well everyone, I did it! I lost 40 pounds in six months and met my HealthyWage deadline in the nick of time!

I feel wonderful! But I have to admit, those last two weeks were a real struggle, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I still have a ways to go, too. But when I look at those two photos side by side, I feel incredibly accomplished and proud.

Everyone’s support has been invaluable! I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement, positive reinforcement, and all around great energy. It took a village, and I could not have done this without you. THANK YOU.

Inspiration

I’ve been told many times since I posted my victory photo that I am inspiring. That is an incredible thing to hear, and something I do not take lightly. I know better than anyone how difficult substantial weight loss can be. And many people have since emailed me with one question, often written exactly like this:

HOW?!?!?!?!

Like so many others struggling with their weight, I truly feel that I have tried everything. So it’s no surprise to me that people think I may have some secret method they haven’t tried before. The fact is that I don’t. I have been writing about my weight loss journey here for some time now. But it is true that I have had great success with specific tools. So I evaluated all that I’ve done and all that has helped me over the past several months so I could tell you how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

10 Things I Attribute Most to My Weight Loss

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I know it may be risky to start with this, but please don’t stop reading. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has changed everything for me, and so deserves the top spot on my list. In the simplest terms, CBT is a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns. It may sound technical, but it’s not. CBT helped me to identify and understand the destructive thought patterns I was literally trapped in, especially when it came to food and ideas around my body and weight. Read my post Cognitive Therapy for Weight Loss for more information and to see this process at work.

I am absolutely convinced now that true, lasting weight loss must start in the brain. How can we possibly repair our bodies without repairing our thought patterns and habits first?

2. Competition: Fitbit Workweek Hustles

I am a competitive person. Knowing this about myself, I use it to my advantage. I love my Fitbit and diligently track my steps. The first week of January my friend, the talented writer, Glenn Walker invited me to a weekly Fitbit challenge called a Workweek Hustle where up to ten challengers compete for bragging rights. One week of friendly competition turned into six full months! Every week (and many weekends in the Weekend Warrior) a group of Fitbit “friends” compete for a virtual trophy, monitor each other’s progress, and talk a little smack. It has kept me active and getting more than my fair share of daily steps.

Many thanks to my friendly Fitbit community!

3. HealthyWage (Financial incentives)

Last December I made a bet with HealthyWage in order to utilize the power of financial incentives. I honestly don’t think I would have hit that forty pound goal if it weren’t for the $1,548 prize pot at stake. Check out my post Betting on Myself with a Drastic HealthyWager for more details on HealthyWage. And if you sign up for a HealthyWager of your own using this referral link, an extra $40 will be added to each of our prize pots.

4. Meticulous meal planning and preparation

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Without my meal plan, I am a sailor at sea without a map. And so every weekend I take the time to meticulously meal plan for the week ahead, including breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It keeps me organized, minimizes stress around food, and prevents unplanned and last minute calls for takeout. (As an added bonus, meal planning also saves us money and prevents food waste. A meal plan makes creating a grocery list a breeze. No more guesswork or buying anything that goes unused.)

5. The support of friends and family

You know those days when you’re really being good and eating well, and then your husband suggests pizza and mozzarella sticks for dinner? Or a girlfriend calls you up and invites you out for wine and nachos?

Me, too… but not these past few months. That’s because my husband, Mike, family and friends have been incredibly supportive and mindful of my goal and desire to eat healthy. Incredibly so!

For example, a few weeks ago I was shredding cauliflower for a cauliflower crust pizza, when Mike said he was going to order his own pizza. I burst into tears. No, it was not an appropriate response, and not fair to Mike, but I couldn’t help it (like I said, weight loss is an emotional journey, too.) I was instantly terrified and didn’t know how I would resist the temptation of his delicious white flour crust pizza next to my cauliflower one.

“Okay, okay,” he said. “I don’t want to eat that though,” he said pointing at the mountain of cauliflower “snow.” “What if I order a wrap? Will that be better for you?” It was, and he did.

When Philadelphia Restaurant Week came around this past winter, Kathy declined my invitation to our traditional lunch.

“You know,” she wrote, “I have given this a lot of thought, even before your fitness/weight loss challenge. And I am going to decline. I will though, include a challenge: let’s look at the menus and see if we can recreate, with healthy/light ingredients some of our favorite dishes. We can recreate restaurant week, and still meet our fitness goals.”

I was so surprised, and then disappointed. Restaurant Week only comes twice a year! I expressed my disappointment, but reluctantly agreed. As usual, she responded with greater wisdom:

“This is where we compare and prioritize what we really want; and make the grown-up choices of how to choose the path that gets us to where we REALLY want to end up in the long term. Is it going to be disappointing along the way as we have to say goodbye to choices we otherwise would have made? Hell yes, darling. That is the pain of being human. I do know though, that God does reward us tenfold; we just never can see it until later. Proud of you!!”

See what I mean about support!?! I consider myself extremely fortunate.

And those are only two of hundreds of examples. It’s my Mom baking me sweet potatoes instead of white; friends running restaurants past me when making plans; my friend, Suzanne picking a place for happy hour that has awesome custom salads; Mike eating what I eat (99% of the time); people giving me the space and time to make good decisions, non-judgement, compassion…

I could NOT have done this without that support and patience and LOVE. Every single one of the most important people in my life wanted me to succeed. And they all did their part to help make it happen.

I wish I could name everyone who was supportive of this challenge personally, but there are far too many of you. Please know that I noticed, and that I appreciate you.

6. No junk food in the house

I could convince myself all day I’ve learned enough and am now strong enough to keep “treats” in the house. Maybe I am, but I see no reason to test myself. All I’d be doing is tempting myself. And decision fatigue happens. Shitty days happen. And it’s best that I don’t have something to reach for in those moments of weakness.

And so I don’t keep junk food in the house. It’s that simple.

7. The adoption of a simple philosophy: “Eat real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.”

Author and activist Michael Pollan wrote that. I have finally succeeded in being turned off by artificial (toxic) foods, flavors, and colorings. If it was made in a plant and has more than ten ingredients, many of which I can’t pronounce, I DON’T EVEN WANT IT. That includes you, Doritos. There are healthier alternatives. Organic non-gmo popcorn sprinkled with nutritional yeast; salt and vinegar potato chips made with only four ingredients, including healthier oil; real ice cream made with real cream… Our food has gotten so far from actual food that it literally turns my stomach. I don’t want it anymore. I’ll take the real food, thank you.

And so that is precisely how and what I eat: real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.

I love to cook, fortunately. I admit that certainly gives me a slight advantage. Our meals consist of real food every day, and yes, lunch and dinner is mostly vegetables. I am also mindful of portion sizes after years of weighing, measuring, and counting calories (which I no longer feel the need to do.) Something I learned the French say has also helped prevent me from eating too much. They don’t use “hungry” and “full” the way we do here in the states, as if there are two only options. They use “hungry” and “without hunger.” That stuck with me. And so now I always try never to eat until I am full and uncomfortable. I eat until I am without hunger.

8. Tracking

I gave up calorie counting several years ago after years of dutifully doing it and seeing no results. I concluded it doesn’t work for me long term and causes me stress. If it works for you, then cool, keep doing it. What does work for me, however, is food journaling. I write down everything I eat every day, as well as my exercise, and I assign myself a grade from A+ through F based on a personal rubric I designed. I calculate an average GPA at the end of every month. (Data nerd, remember?) As you may imagine, this recovering perfectionist strives for A’s and B’s.

Call this the accountability factor. If I eat it, I write it down. And I don’t want some late night binge dragging down my entire GPA.

9. Daily weigh-ins

I weigh myself every single day. And I recently wrote a post 7 Reasons Why I Weigh Myself Every Day, so I will direct you to that for more on why this has been so beneficial.

10. Yoga

It has pained me to give up yoga these past few weeks as I cut my calories so much during crunch time that I didn’t have the strength for class. Now that I have taken the weekend to rest and eat and regain my strength, I am eager to get back to yoga.

Yoga has taught me so much about my body, its limits, and its capabilities. Yoga has helped me feel strong and empowered. Next to walking, it is my favorite form of exercise. Probably because it is so much more than exercise. It is an experience of body, mind and spirit. I enjoy seeing how far my body has come, and what it can now do that it recently could not.

So there you have it. That’s in large part how I lost 40 pounds in six months. My advice: keep trying tips, methods, programs, and tricks until you discover what works for YOU. Tell people your goals so that they can support you in them. We’re all different and motivated by different things. If I learned anything at all, it’s that all journeys must go through a process. We must discover what doesn’t work for us in order to discover what does. Don’t stick with one program because people tell you it’s best if you’re not seeing results. Give yourself the freedom and flexibility to experiment!

After all, that’s what I did for years. And it eventually paid off. That’s how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

For years I weighed myself religiously every Friday morning. It was something I looked forward to, denying myself the privilege of even a sneak peek any other time throughout the week. This was a rule by which I faithfully abided. Who made the rule? I have no idea. But I remember hearing it throughout my life spoken by my mom, friends’ moms, the gym teacher that doubled as a health class teacher, the people in the Weight Watchers commercials, the guest doctor on Ricki Lake… The message was always the same: weighing yourself more than once a week resulted in weight obsession and demoralizing frustration over naturally occurring fluctuations.

I listened and abided by that rule in a way I only wish I had about the dangers of cigarettes and drugs (and boys). I was convinced that one extra weigh in was a slippery slope to anorexia. And so I listened to all those women and doctors and waited for Friday mornings.

Until April 9, 2016, which was a Saturday. Looking at my years’ worth of carefully logged weights, I can recall precisely what compelled me to break my cardinal rule and weigh myself that morning. You see, the weight that Saturday morning was exactly 2.1 pounds more than the morning before it. I must have gone out that Friday night or over-indulged and my curiosity about the damage got the best of me. It felt like ten pounds and I assumed it would be five or six. But no, it was 2.1. And the very next day? Back to Friday’s weight.

And that brings me to the seven reasons why I weigh myself every day.

1. Weighing myself every day STOPS the obsession and stories around NOT knowing.

This is the reason why it all started. I was convinced I had gained five pounds in one Friday night. I was often convinced of this. And I let the story play on repeat ALL.WEEK.LONG. I guessed and anticipated and obsessed over my weight based on what I ate one day. It was exhausting. Weighing myself stops all of that. And more often than not, I am pleasantly surprised. The stories in our heads are often worse than the reality.

2. One number no longer has the power to ruin my weekends.

There were so many weekends that were literally ruined by my Friday weight. I gave that digital number on the scale the power to set the tone for my entire weekend. That number either validated or condemned my efforts for the entire week before it, deeming it either a success or epic failure. And when it was bad, I carried anger and frustration with me. Especially if I thought I should weigh less than I did. As a result, I often overate that weekend to make myself feel better. And many of us know how well that works…

3. It allows for the detection of weight patterns and trends.

Weighing in once a week doesn’t provide enough data to work with in a productive way, especially if you’re a data nerd like me. All those weeks I thought I did great only to find the same number on the scale come Friday infuriated and demotivated me. Weight fluctuations occur for so many reasons. Maybe on a particular Friday I hadn’t had a bowel movement recently. Or maybe I was retaining water from PMS. There are days that I think the scale should be lower than it is, but it just takes another perfectly normal day, and then boom, my weight drops three pounds. There is not always a rhyme or reason to our weight. But when we weigh ourselves daily and keep notes, we can begin to create a bigger and clearer picture that we can make sense of. Which leads me to number four…

4. Small gains are no longer the end of the world.

When you weigh yourself daily, you come to understand your body, hormonal changes, and natural fluctuations. And when you begin to understand how your body operates, small weight gains no longer signify demoralizing failure.

5. When weighing myself daily I can see just how fast I can lose (or gain) weight.

Weighing in every day keeps me honest. I don’t know about you but I have seen upwards of seven pound weight increases after particularly social weeks. A few of those strung together and you can find yourself in serious trouble. But being armed with daily updates eliminates shocking surprises. The more often you weigh yourself, the less chance there is of weight gain (or loss if that’s what you’re trying to avoid) sneaking up on you.

But if weight loss is your goal, like it is mine, then you can also see how one stellar day of healthy eating, lots of water, and exercise can move the scales in your favor, which is super motivating!

6. I can identify set-points far more easily.

It is really difficult to identify true set-points when you only weigh yourself once a week. I know when I have hit a set point because my weight is the same to the ounce multiple days in a row. And when it does change a little in either direction, it goes right back to that number again. When this happens consistently over the course of two to three weeks, I know I’ve plateaued and need to step up up my game to power through it.

7. Weighing myself every day motivates me to try harder.

I no longer allow myself to indulge early in the week because the saboteur in my brain convinced me I can correct any damage by my Friday weigh-in. Now, every day matters more because every morning I face the reality of my actions from the day before. Weighing myself every day has quieted that voice that tries to bargain and manipulate. “It’s only Monday,” the saboteur would say. “You can totally get a cheeseburger and fries and just be good the rest of the week.” More often than not, I’d listen.

But not anymore. Every day matters.

Is it any wonder why weighing myself only once a week didn’t work for me?

Now trust me when I say that what works for me may NOT work for you. I am simply sharing what DOES work for me, and giving you the permission to try something different. I literally felt wrong when I started weighing myself daily, like I was committing a crime. I reluctantly confessed to my counselor what I had started doing, expecting her to reprimand me for doing something so foolish. But instead, she said, “If that’s what you want to do, try it.”

“Really!” I asked, surprised.

“You need permission? I give you permission.”

And I have been weighing myself daily ever since.

Obviously I am doing lots of other things to help me lose weight. Weighing yourself every day is not the secret to weight loss. But if you are working to lose weight, you may want to give it a try, or maybe start with several times a week. But if your system isn’t broken, then don’t fix it! My previous system of weighing in once a week was broken. And if yours isn’t serving you, then give yourself the permission to try something different, regardless of what you’ve been told.

There are no blanket rules that apply to everyone. And besides, it seems the “rules” are changing. I was happy to see my claim that weighing yourself more often may be beneficial backed up by the latest research. It was revealed at The Obesity Society’s Annual Scientific Meeting that weighing in at least four times a week can help you drop more pounds. According to Shape magazine, other studies have also shown that frequent weigh-ins increase your motivation by helping you monitor your progress. In fact, another quick Google search results in loads of articles suggesting the same thing.

It works for me.

Save

Save